Locate your stiffest, tightest, most uncomfortable pants and chuck them into the gaping void of your closet until the doldrums of January descend upon us. We will not be constrained by a relentless button and zipper fly this holiday season. Nope, not THIS year! Sweet indulgence is on the menu thanks to the Food Network’s winter menu of confectionary delights. Janine Schaults and Peyton Lombardo dip into the lineup like an espresso-flavored marshmallow meeting a fountain of flowing dark chocolate:
JS: It’s a bit of a dirty trick to rank the 12 bakers on the new season of Holiday Baking Championship (Mondays at 9 pm ET) as either naughty or nice. Yes, the top competitor takes the first spot on the leaderboard right under the word denoting a personal characteristic—not skill—while the person who flubbed an individual challenge sits above the other derogatory term. The devotion to Santa Claus’ famous judgement call is a bit much for a group so polite and jovial. Host Jesse Palmer and judges Nancy Fuller,Duff Goldman and Carla Hall wield the power to lift the spirits of these professional and at-home bakers or dash their candy cane hearts into a thousand peppermint shards. In the end, the $25,000 prize means little compared to their career-making approval.
PL: I love Holiday Baking Championship, but there’s something about the bite-sized fun of Christmas Cookie Challenge (Mondays at 10 pm ET) that speaks to me. In one episode, bakers are tasked with making a 3D free-standing nutcracker cookie, and this challenge puts my stress level to another dimension! I won’t spoil if any nutcrackers come tumbling down, but it’s sure fun to watch these bakers go all out on festive icing and sprinkles!
JS: Stress? You wanna talk about stress? Just dive right into the highly competitive, blood-boiling world of Holiday Wars (Sundays at 8 pm ET). Hosted by Raven-Symoné, who brings a double dose of ‘90s nostalgia and unfettered exuberance, this show pits five teams of cake and sugar artists against each other and the clock to create elaborate, edible scenes for a $25,000 prize. More science experiment than baking, there’s slim chance of recreating these confections at home, so sit back in awe. Each episode is broken up by two challenges, with the losing team of the first forced to stew on the sidelines for the remaining time. The best part? These cutthroat contestants aren’t afraid to get salty — with each other, with the other teams, even with the judges.
PL: I’m a total sucker for all these competition-style shows, and there’s nothing more fun than Candy Land (premieres Nov. 15 at 9 pm ET) this year! This brand new Food Network show sees Broadway icon Kristin Chenoweth hosting and taking bakers through a real-life board game based on the Hasbro classic. The first team arriving at King Kandy’s Castle wins a cool $25,000. The incredible set featured 100 pounds of chocolate and 1,000 lollipops, proving there’s more to this show than just eye candy!
JS:Cake BossBuddy Valastro returns to the Food Network with Buddy vs. Christmas (premieres Nov. 22 at 10 pm ET). Filmed prior to a freak accident at his home in which Valastro impaled his right hand and underwent emergency surgery, the master baker and his team go up against a group of craft masters—scenic designer, a Lego builder, a glassblower and more—not accustomed to plying their trades in the kitchen. Let the life-sized games begin!
PL: The Cake Boss walked, so the Big Bake (Mondays at 11 pm ET) could run! Three teams compete head-to-head-to-head to create the most massive and merry masterpieces of the Christmas season. This show only airs three times a year: spring, Halloween, and the holidays; I think it goes without saying that the holiday episodes are the gift that keeps on giving.
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