February gets a bad rap because it's cold and dark -- even after weasels tell you it won't be -- and its signature holiday is the one that reminds single people they are lonely. But the bright side of February is not just that it's only 28 days -- 29 on "Amy Adams/Matthew Goode" years. It's also the month of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, or, as I call it, "The Olympics."

I had the distinct pleasure of going to Madison Square Garden yesterday for Day One of the WKC, and based on the furry friends I made, I can personally vouch for the caliber of the dogs at this year's event. Do not be fooled: Westminster is a great place to go if you want to see some seriously classy dogs. I went to see the judges rank the basset hounds, because bassets are my favorite breed -- and, inarguably, the most dignified of all the hounds. But the whippet won in the best of the hound group, followed by the greyhound, which makes for a good conspiracy theory about how the hound group judge is really into pointy heads, but I'm not the kind of person who likes to dwell on another person's mistakes. I just like to focus on the dogs, and tracking down the person who let them out.

But speaking of judges, above is an interview with a Westminster Kennel Club judge who has the fabulous name of Mrs. Kimberly Meredith-Cavanna. Mrs. Meredith-Cavanna describes what she and the other WKC judges look for when they judge best in breed, best in group, and best in show, which they'll announce tonight on USA at 8 PM EST. Between now and then, however, you can watch this clip, and try not to giggle when Kimberly says "you also want to check for testicles, becase they must have two" like she's listing groceries she needs you to pick up after work.

Man-meat cougar plaything Ashton Kutcher hosted this week's episode of "Saturday Night Live," and he did a good job of it! Check out this week's recap after the jump.

USA's "Burn Notice" won't return to finish off its third season until the new year, but the network evidently doesn't want to keep fans in suspense: the show's already been renewed for a fourth season, which may start airing as early as next summer. Given the trouble star Jeffrey Donovan got into earlier this year, it's probably just as well that the series will keep him so busy.

Until we have new episodes, we'll have to tide ourselves over with the "Ask a Spy" webisodes. Above, Donovan (in character as Michael Westen) explains how to trick your boss into letting you leave work early -- and though it's a timely concern at the moment what with the Thanksgiving holiday, it's probably too late to set Michael's plan into motion before you have to catch your flight home tomorrow. But after the jump, the titular Spy has several other tips that are useful year-round.

Above, the glorified hijinks of "Campus Cops," a USA series in which campus police hit on college co-eds. It was not a reality series. Not intentionally, anyway.

I grew up in a college town, and then left to go to actual college, so for my entire adolescence, I had one sworn enemy: Campus "police." I say "police" because these guys are obviously not actual cops; they're just vigilant soldiers in the war on fun, tasked to sniff out and destroy any semblance of good times before they become actually memorable. These guys will pull you over for going 25 in a 20 miles per hour speed-limited parking lot, literally threaten to call your parents while riding a Segway scooter, and generally make Paul Blart look like Jack Bauer. If you gave campus "cops" reflective sashes and a book of detention slips, they could be hall monitors in elementary schools -- and they'd do more good there than on their respective college campuses.

So what's the next logical step to dramatize this "noble" profession? Why, a reality television show, of course. G4 has signed up for "Campus PD," a reality TV series about campus cops and the students that loathe them. G4 President Neal Tiles explains that his channel's target audience loves "high-energy cop shows," and "With 'Campus PD,' we join real police teams and head to college towns, where the students — and their everyday lives — will prove highly relatable to G4’s core young-male audience.” In other words, this show will focus on campus cops busting parties filled with guys in G4's target audience...and they think this is a good idea? One thing's for sure: If "Campus PD" ever busts an Olivia Munn appreciation-themed LAN party, there's going to be a riot.

[15:42] Tara Ariano: Look, I don't want to be a stickler. But "Monk" is an hour-long show. Why is Tony Shalhoub in with the Comedy nominees?
[15:43] Will Edmondson: I've never understood the appeal of that show, I have no idea.
[15:45] Tara Ariano: And he's won it before. It seems unfair. Anyway, his competitors for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series are Alec Baldwin for "30 Rock"; Steve Carell for "The Office"; Jemaine Clement for "Flight of the Conchords"; Jim Parsons for "The Big Bang Theory"; and Charlie Sheen for "Two and a Half Men."
[15:45] Will Edmondson: Okay, let's put Charlie Sheen out of his misery right now.

Fox wants some of that USA Network magic for itself: it's ordering cop series "Jack and Dan" from "Burn Notice" creator Matt Nix (talking shop above).

Great! Here's the pitch:

"The series is described as a buddy cop drama. Jack is an ambitious, by-the-book cop who is partnered with with Dan Savage, a drunken, lecherous, wild-card cop who only hangs onto his job because of a heroic act many years prior. Amazingly, crimes still get solved."

Hmm. Intriguing, even though the set-up sounds like something we've heard about a thousand times before. Unless "Dan Savage" refers to the actual sex advice columnist? Now there's a Nix-worthy twist!

Above, as part of the ongoing series of "Burn Notice" webisodes "Ask a Spy," Michael Westen (Jeffrey Donovan) explains to would-be secret agents how to tell when their cars are getting tailed -- which is ironic, since Donovan obviously wasn't heeding his alter ego's advice last Sunday when he was arrested on DUI charges in Miami Beach. At least Donovan plays the kind of character that allows him to claim he was faking being drunk as part of a deep-cover operation -- you know, like Woody Harrelson did when he thought that paparazzo was a zombie.

Michael Westen is a pretty crafty guy, especially when his brother has been kidnapped by an evil arms dealer with a dastardly name like "Brennen." I know what you're thinking: the only possible way Westen can get out of this bind is with a Bluetooth, a can of Pringles, a cut on his shoulder, a tire iron, and a dark parking garage. MacGyver would be proud.

Let's dip into the "Burn Notice" Spy Handbook and see what we can learn about friends with spy benefits, how to trick office building security, the many uses of a tire iron, urban guerrilla warfare, and the cantenna, after the jump.

The next time your child is kidnapped by thugs demanding diamonds as ransom, just crack open Michael Westen's spy handbook for a little knowledge and inspiration. Spying has never been easier!

Click "continue reading" for the spy handbook.

Saving a hot Venezuelan woman's family farm without ever going to Venezuela sounds like it might be just a tad difficult, but it's as easy as a bar bet (hey, watch me eat these matches!). Plus, she'll probably kiss your cheek when you're done, so you have plenty of incentive.

Click "continue reading" to find out how.