Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is currently employed only part-time, as an occasional contributor on Fox News. So maybe this is the perfect time for her to explore another career -- standup comic, perhaps? See her open last night's episode of "The Tonight Show," and then hit continue reading for the rest of last night's late-night highlights.

11:01:39 AM Will Edmondson: Tara, last night was a night of firsts: It was our first (and only, presumably) time seeing "Tooth Fairy," of course, but it was also your first foray into live tweeting. How would you say it went?
11:02:12 AM Tara Ariano: Actually, I also live-tweeted "Twilight" when we watched that on Pay Per View, so...yes, this was a much more pleasant experience.
11:02:40 AM Will Edmondson: Wow, I thought I'd suppressed any memories I had about "Twilight," but here come the post-traumatic stress flashbacks! Thanks a lot, Tara! But I thought "Fairy" was pretty good! Or, let me qualify that: As good as we could possibly have expected "Tooth Fairy" to have been.

What else will Martha Stewart have to do to convince us that she's anything but a conservative stay-at-home housewife? She's made brownies with Snoop Dogg, told Jimmy Fallon to "stick this right in the bottom of [your croquembouche] and squeeze until it's full," and squirted caramel cream straight into her mouth from the pastry bag! She's a naughty one, that Martha. I don't know where this squeaky-clean reputation comes from, but she's certainly not living up to it.

This is all why, when Martha added "stripping pole" to her list of must-have appliances, I wasn't surprised. Everyone got all shocked when she donned her spandex and started gyrating around, but really, it was the logical next step up from sucking on pastry bag tips. (See the video, above.)

So once you've gotten over being shocked, let's talk about what's next for Martha. Could she invite Kendra on her show to give her some housekeeping tips? Or maybe she and Chelsea Handler could team up and pound some meat together! (See more ideas, after the jump.)

Before "Twilight" and "New Moon" author Stephenie Meyer showed us Forks, Washington was actually a place in the U.S., it was just another one of those secret "cities" with lots of trees. After Meyer got hold of it, she upgraded it to a hot spot of sexual repression and pale people (as the "New Moon" trailer, above, shows). But it seems like there's even more to Forks that reality TV producers feel is worth knowing about!

Casting is currently underway for the still untitled series that will document the lives of Forks's real residents (as in, the people that aren't vampires, werewolves, or super-duper-pale, I guess). Producer Zig Gauthier told a local newspaper, "Obviously we won't be out on the ocean...but the idea is to show what life here is really like. There are a variety of ways we could do this, but of course this is at the very beginning stages." But see, the show hasn't even started filming yet and producers are already going about this the wrong way! Not only were most of the scenes in the "Twilight" and "New Moon" movies not filmed in Forks (IMDB names British Columbia, Canada, as where the majority of shooting took place), but nobody cares about "the ocean" either! We want to know how the residents feel about their hometown being synonymous with blood, glittering skin, and teenagers that over-emote! Are people ransacking houses in hopes of finding the "real" Edward Cullen? Are local hipsters trying to come up with a potion to make them live to be 107 years old? Are more people abstaining from sex? These are the questions producers should be looking to answer. No one cares about the temperature of the Pacific.

It's a day we all prayed would never dawn, but now it has, and we have to cope: Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have reportedly ended their relationship. No reason has been given (unless you consider "it just wasn't happening" to be a reason, which I do not), but given the timing, my guess is that someone got a crappy gift over the holidays and decided the best response would be to lash out in anger. Who broke up with whom is also still an open question, but judging by both stars' recent "SNL" monologues, we can make an educated guess as to how they will each behave in the aftermath of their parting. Find out more after the jump.

For the past three days, I've been in what I call "Retail Hell." Yes, I've done this to myself, and I'm an unabashed procrastinator, but that doesn't make it any easier to stand in line at Barnes & Noble for 20 minutes behind the parent who just wants to know if the "Twilight" books are in the "Young Adult" or "Fantasy" section. Ma'am, the six-foot high display in the front of the store? With the giant Edward Pattinson cutout? That you almost tripped over? They call that the "You Must Be Joking" section, and that's where they are. (Yes, that's a true story from my weekend.)

I realize this makes me sound 90 years old, and that it's unfair to expect shoppers to be rational, thoughtful, and intelligent during the holiday rush. But that doesn't stop me from feeling a bit like Andy Rooney, who coincidentally took up the issue of shopping in his "60 Minutes" segment this week. Sure, I don't agree completely -- I don't peer into shops and leer like a weirdo at the poor salespeople, for example -- but still, in this instance, Andy speaks for me! Check out the clip, above...I'm off to go drown my sorrows as I come to terms with being 23 going on 90.

Let me get this out of the way before I begin: I am sort of an old, cranky lady. I don't care for Playstations, vampires, Gogurt, or kids born in the '90s and given names like Jayden or Jaden or Taylor or Tyler or Madison or Steve. Well, this week, a teenager that is at least two of those things hosted "Saturday Night Live," and by that I mean he was Taylor Lautner and Gogurt. More on Lautner's "Muppet Babies" version of "SNL" after the jump.

For those who follow pop culture, it can seem like the case against "Saturday Night Live" is forever being made by some critic or other. Some will say it hasn't been funny since Will Ferrell or Tina Fey left the show; some will trace the rot to the post-Chris Farley era; still others think Farley himself was the harbinger of decay. And frankly, that this week's host -- Taylor Lautner, above -- was surely tapped for the gig because of the likelihood that he'd attract teen and tween viewers and not because of (to put it charitably) his largely untested comedy chops is not the best advertisement for the show's current quality. But there is a case for "SNL" to be made, too, and it's after the jump.

11:01:29 AM Will Edmondson: So, Tara, you're TOTES ready for this question, LOL!: Are you on "Team Edward," or "Team Jacob"!?!
11:01:59 AM Tara Ariano: To quote Lucille Bluth: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
11:02:49 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I know what team I'm on, Tara. I'm on "Team 2012," in which a massive, apocalyptic disaster strikes the (fictitious) town of Forks and leaves nothing but a magma-filled fissure down Main Street.
11:04:07 AM Tara Ariano: If that did happen, a lot of (fictitious) people would be better off.
11:06:02 AM Will Edmondson: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie wasn't directed at me and my demographic. But this was still one of the worst moviegoing experiences I've ever had. And yes, this is a blog, and the Internet and hyperbole. But I'm serious: watching "New Moon" was horrible.

For some reason, Conan hired two assistants that weren't me. One was a brooding vampire named Cody, and the other was an impressively studly "wolf boy." This resulted in some tension, because they both wanted to be the only assistant, but Conan found it difficult to choose one over the other (just as Bella from "New Moon" wants both Edward Cullen and Jacob in her life, duh -- get with it). If you have eyes, the decision is not a difficult one to make. Conan must not have eyes, because he struggles in deciding. Oh, and Jerry Springer showed up to help. Watch the clip above to see who became Conan's assistant (basically because he survived), and get a full recap of last night's late night TV after the jump.