Last night's episode of "How I Met Your Mother" featured a few gems, including a flashback to Marshall in 1993, when he rocked a rattail and overalls and wrote letters to his future self saying things like, "By now, you'd better have changed your name to Vanilla Thunder." When said letter emerges, it prompts Barney to challenge himself to snag a lady while wearing overalls, which in turn allows Robin to jockblock him with farmer jokes. All in all, it's a refreshing return to the "How I Met Your Mother" status quo, especially since the central plotline features Ted's realization that he's ready to be in a relationship again -- which is, if we're going to be purist about it, what the show is supposed to be about (see clip, above). For the full recap, hit "continue reading."

I think at one point in time, William Shatner was good at giving interviews. I think he understood that a good Q&A session had a certain kind of flow, and that answers should be clear and concise. I do, however, think that was a long time ago, because his interview last night on "The Tonight Show" was a mess.

I'll play fair by acknowledging Shatner's age: he's a ripe 78 years old. This might account for the old-person pauses and the old-person stories, like how Shatner tried deep-frying his Thanksgiving turkey and instead got a "volcano-like" explosion (the re-enactment of which you can hear, above). But at his age, it should be obvious the window of opportunity has closed on saying things like, "If you swim naked in the Arctic Ocean and you see Sarah Palin on the coast of Alaska, and you become aroused, and you sustain that arousal in the cold ocean..." while reaching into a pocket for a completely unrelated prop (this actually happened. Proof is after the jump). Saying or doing any of that isn't kosher when you're old enough that you're sporting red hankerchiefs and carrying creepy things in your pockets that aren't pennies. In any case, I think last night proved Shatner's entered that scary place where questions are met with "pull my finger" gestures and disgusting old man nuances. The guy responsible for playing Captain Kirk will be missed.

While you were stuffing your feelings down with food, ABC went and gave us a very special Thanksgiving episode of "Modern Family." Featuring clowns! A bouncy castle! And other things you would say to your celebrity partner on "Password" if you were describing a kid's birthday party! Our full recap of this week's episode is after the jump.

What happens when Jules throws a big Thanksgiving feast for every character on the show, plus Travis's new girlfriend? Jules makes an ass of herself, among other things. The "Cougar Town" recap is after the jump.

Between my mom's pumpkin pie, the invention of dishwashers, and Uncle Boris's decision not to come for Thanksgiving, my heart is getting a little overwhelmed with gratitude, and I'm worried that I may not have enough thanks to go around. And now, that darn Jon Stewart has given me one more thing to be thankful for, and that's his list of "Things Not to be Thankful For," which features a nice roundup of pestilence like Goldman Sachs, Rep. Louie Gomhert, terrorists, and Detroit (see above). Ah, phew! There's more room in my cardiac area already. Now that we're on the subject, I would like to add roasted leeks to the un-thanks list, and the rainy weather forecast that is sure to eff up the traffic everywhere from here to Canada. Oh, and all the people who think it's a great idea to bring leftovers on the train this Sunday so that each car smells like a giant brussels sprout. If that's not quite enough to put some ice on your warm fuzzies, there's always "The Road," which I will be seeing this weekend to combat heartburn. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Do you feel lousy? Yeah, me too. I can't stop thinking about cranberries and all the stuff I'm going to put them on. But there's two more whole days before I'll get any cranberry action, and they're all I can think about. What about you? Are you a cranberry person or a stuffing person? Stuffing, I thought so. How are ordinary people, like you and me, supposed to productive when we can't stop thinking about Thanksgiving side dishes?

Well, try this on for size. After the jump is a clip of 70 muppets (including Statler and Waldorf, who heckle Jason Segel and Jimmy Fallon, above) singing and playing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." There are colorful lights, crescendos, explosions, and Miss Piggy wearing a boa. What's better than that? Oh...cranberries and stuffing. Well, I gave it my best shot. I'm playing with a handicap today.

USA's "Burn Notice" won't return to finish off its third season until the new year, but the network evidently doesn't want to keep fans in suspense: the show's already been renewed for a fourth season, which may start airing as early as next summer. Given the trouble star Jeffrey Donovan got into earlier this year, it's probably just as well that the series will keep him so busy.

Until we have new episodes, we'll have to tide ourselves over with the "Ask a Spy" webisodes. Above, Donovan (in character as Michael Westen) explains how to trick your boss into letting you leave work early -- and though it's a timely concern at the moment what with the Thanksgiving holiday, it's probably too late to set Michael's plan into motion before you have to catch your flight home tomorrow. But after the jump, the titular Spy has several other tips that are useful year-round.

We've all left something in a cab at some point in our lives. For me, there's actually a list of things, including an iPod, a wallet, a cell phone, and my pride. Personally, I'd rather leave my Thanksgiving turkey in a cab, as Marshall did last night, than any of those things, but I guess we've all got priorities. Marshall was pretty broken up about losing the turkey, because he'd picked the perfect one for Lily's Thanksgiving dinner; luckily, Robin and Ted managed to track down the turkey at the Port Authority lost and found, which is more than I can say for my 2006 Nokia flip phone.

Anyway! The runaway turkey was only one of Thanksgiving's many twists and turns on last night's "How I Met Your Mother." For the full recap, hit "continue reading."

The annual animal cruelty debate has started up again, right on time. While PETA spends the rest of the year convincing celebrities to disrobe in its "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, Thanksgiving is when the organization kicks it into high gear...because surviving our disapproving relatives depends on meals built around slaughtered turkeys, and PETA enjoys making us feel bad about it. In fact, last January, PETA made the ad above (a little NSFW). While this particular ad didn't make people feel bad for eating meat, it made NBC executives feel a whole lot of something else they didn't think families watching the Super Bowl would appreciate, and it didn't air.

So it's surprising that NBC would give PETA another chance by asking it to make a commercial to air during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. PETA submitted one, but the network asked it be more informative on the subjects of factory farming and turkey slaughter. So naturally, the pendulum swung and PETA came up with the spot after the jump.

Black Friday attracts a specific type of shopper. This is not your average, mochaccino-slurping tween lingering near the makeup counters of Macy's; nay, these are the bloodthirsty sale-hounds, the ones who see Thanksgiving Dinner as fuel for the burst of speed and elbowing strength required to surge into Target before sunrise and claim a deeply-discounted toaster as their quarry. Victims of trampling are collateral damage. It's a vicious, bloodthirsty sport -- part race, part hand-to-hand combat.

Anyway! If this describes you, then you also know that it's important to know ahead of time exactly what you'll be racing toward. Thankfully, "Today" can provide you with plenty of things to snatch away from your fellow shoppers that you might not otherwise find desirable. Like an internet phone that is mysteriously "not like Skype." Or an appliance that's specifically made for grilled cheese. Or, better yet, a furry mouse that makes rooster noises. Or, best of all, a toy that reads your child's mind and turns him into a zombie like the young boy in the segment above, who can move a small ball with his eyes, Matilda-style. Now that's something worth stampeding for.