It's a day we all prayed would never dawn, but now it has, and we have to cope: Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have reportedly ended their relationship. No reason has been given (unless you consider "it just wasn't happening" to be a reason, which I do not), but given the timing, my guess is that someone got a crappy gift over the holidays and decided the best response would be to lash out in anger. Who broke up with whom is also still an open question, but judging by both stars' recent "SNL" monologues, we can make an educated guess as to how they will each behave in the aftermath of their parting. Find out more after the jump.

Let me get this out of the way before I begin: I am sort of an old, cranky lady. I don't care for Playstations, vampires, Gogurt, or kids born in the '90s and given names like Jayden or Jaden or Taylor or Tyler or Madison or Steve. Well, this week, a teenager that is at least two of those things hosted "Saturday Night Live," and by that I mean he was Taylor Lautner and Gogurt. More on Lautner's "Muppet Babies" version of "SNL" after the jump.

For those who follow pop culture, it can seem like the case against "Saturday Night Live" is forever being made by some critic or other. Some will say it hasn't been funny since Will Ferrell or Tina Fey left the show; some will trace the rot to the post-Chris Farley era; still others think Farley himself was the harbinger of decay. And frankly, that this week's host -- Taylor Lautner, above -- was surely tapped for the gig because of the likelihood that he'd attract teen and tween viewers and not because of (to put it charitably) his largely untested comedy chops is not the best advertisement for the show's current quality. But there is a case for "SNL" to be made, too, and it's after the jump.

11:01:29 AM Will Edmondson: So, Tara, you're TOTES ready for this question, LOL!: Are you on "Team Edward," or "Team Jacob"!?!
11:01:59 AM Tara Ariano: To quote Lucille Bluth: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
11:02:49 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I know what team I'm on, Tara. I'm on "Team 2012," in which a massive, apocalyptic disaster strikes the (fictitious) town of Forks and leaves nothing but a magma-filled fissure down Main Street.
11:04:07 AM Tara Ariano: If that did happen, a lot of (fictitious) people would be better off.
11:06:02 AM Will Edmondson: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie wasn't directed at me and my demographic. But this was still one of the worst moviegoing experiences I've ever had. And yes, this is a blog, and the Internet and hyperbole. But I'm serious: watching "New Moon" was horrible.

For some reason, Conan hired two assistants that weren't me. One was a brooding vampire named Cody, and the other was an impressively studly "wolf boy." This resulted in some tension, because they both wanted to be the only assistant, but Conan found it difficult to choose one over the other (just as Bella from "New Moon" wants both Edward Cullen and Jacob in her life, duh -- get with it). If you have eyes, the decision is not a difficult one to make. Conan must not have eyes, because he struggles in deciding. Oh, and Jerry Springer showed up to help. Watch the clip above to see who became Conan's assistant (basically because he survived), and get a full recap of last night's late night TV after the jump.

All right everybody. "New Moon" is officially in theaters, and your time is up. Finish your last sentence, then put your pencils down and close your books. Push in your chairs and get yourselves to the nearest theater to partake in what's surely going to be some cinematic wonder filled with young love, glittering vampires, and shirtless underage werewolves.

This past week has been packed to the brim with TV appearances from "New Moon" actors and related personnel, so before you leave, allow me to give you some last-minute prep and insight. Waiting for you after the jump is a comprehensive rundown of who said what on the public circuits, some useful information about the making of the movie, and some Twihards (because I couldn't resist). But before any of that, watch an extended "New Moon" trailer, above. When you're ready, and not a moment before, click "continue reading" to dive further into the franchise...because things will never be the same.

I try really hard to stay away from watching Zac Efron in movies and on television. All it would take for me to lose an entire weekend to peanut butter and "High School Musical" screenings is a glance at him in the right crew-neck sweater. But I don't have the same affinity for Taylor Lautner. It makes me uneasy to hear him talk about packing on 30 pounds of muscle to play a werewolf in a movie about vampires, as he does in the clip after the jump. I have never had to do either of those things! I'm more likely to sing about wanting to be in the school play while playing basketball, and that's why Efron poses the greater threat to me.

That being said, I know I shouldn't have watched the "Teen Choice Awards" last night because Zac Efron was there (and because I'm also not, you know, a teenager anymore). But he was so polite and and humble in the interview above that I just had to stick around for it. And needless to say, my roommates had to find another creamy spread to use for their lunches today.