11:01:29 AM Will Edmondson: So, Tara, you're TOTES ready for this question, LOL!: Are you on "Team Edward," or "Team Jacob"!?!
11:01:59 AM Tara Ariano: To quote Lucille Bluth: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
11:02:49 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I know what team I'm on, Tara. I'm on "Team 2012," in which a massive, apocalyptic disaster strikes the (fictitious) town of Forks and leaves nothing but a magma-filled fissure down Main Street.
11:04:07 AM Tara Ariano: If that did happen, a lot of (fictitious) people would be better off.
11:06:02 AM Will Edmondson: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie wasn't directed at me and my demographic. But this was still one of the worst moviegoing experiences I've ever had. And yes, this is a blog, and the Internet and hyperbole. But I'm serious: watching "New Moon" was horrible.

All right everybody. "New Moon" is officially in theaters, and your time is up. Finish your last sentence, then put your pencils down and close your books. Push in your chairs and get yourselves to the nearest theater to partake in what's surely going to be some cinematic wonder filled with young love, glittering vampires, and shirtless underage werewolves.

This past week has been packed to the brim with TV appearances from "New Moon" actors and related personnel, so before you leave, allow me to give you some last-minute prep and insight. Waiting for you after the jump is a comprehensive rundown of who said what on the public circuits, some useful information about the making of the movie, and some Twihards (because I couldn't resist). But before any of that, watch an extended "New Moon" trailer, above. When you're ready, and not a moment before, click "continue reading" to dive further into the franchise...because things will never be the same.

In addition to rocking an AWESOME laser-striped tie last night, Jon Stewart was upset that his interview with Joe Biden was upstaged by the release of Sarah Palin's Rachel Maddow-murdering book, "Going Rogue." But it appears as though the news networks are going rogue themselves! One in particular tried to pass off some pictures of Palin as "real," when they were in fact Photoshopped. Watch the clip above to hear how the network fixed their mistake (and Jon's critique of it, of course), and to hear Bernie Goldberg praise Palin by saying, "She has five kids, one of them has Down Syndrome. Liberals certainly don't allow that to happen." Hit "continue reading" for a full recap of last night's late night TV.

Last night, Jon Stewart addressed how the U.S. Attorney General, Eric Holder, decided to bring the terrorists who are thought to be responsible for the 9/11 attacks to New York City, where they will "finally face justice." Stewart was excited at the prospect of getting his revenge by using what he calls "street justice," but it appears as though the Attorney General wants to go in a different direction. Watch the clip above to hear what he had planned for the bad guys, and click "continue reading" for a full recap of last night's late night TV.

I was bullied by a friend into seeing "Twilight." I hadn't read the books, but I was able to follow the plot because it was straightforward and there was only one kind of vampire, werewolf, and human. I can tell I'm going to have to work harder to understand the sequel, "New Moon," (preview above) because a new breed of vampire will be thrown at me. The "Volturi" vampires are identically dressed, which means it will be easy to spot them in a crowd, but harder to differentiate between them. I will also have to do two things at once: I will have to learn each Volturi vampire's powers and the extensive tribal hierarchy, while also remembering everything important from the first movie, if I hope to follow the plot. But since I refuse to read the book, I'm going to treat "New Moon" like it's the SAT and whip up some trusty flashcards. I suggest you do the same.

Kids. No appreciation. One day, Kristen Stewart will come to see the vital role the paparazzi play in helping her to make millions of dollars for what some people might call acting. Or she could take a tip from Brad Pitt.

The 19-year-old "Twilight" star told British magazine Dazed & Confused: "The fact is, the paparazzi and most interviewers, they want your soul. It's so scary because your persona...and I guess I now have one, because people think of me in a certain way...is all based entirely on quick snippets of crazed moments in your life. And that is what people then base their entire opinion of me on!"

You can watch someone try to steal her soul in the video above with trickery -- for instance: "You are just gorgeous."

Here's the "Inglourious Basterds" star's take on the photogs: "Paparazzi are my friends, they take good care of me. They are really kind and generous and thoughtful people who make the world a better place."

He's being sincere, right? Yeah, he is. Watch him be even more sincere in the clip after the jump.

Now that the whole Harry Potter vs. "Twilight" thing seems to have simmered down, Robert Pattinson needs something new to be bothered (or, as he would put it, "bovvered") by. Yesterday, Jimmy Fallon tackled the subject with a spoof interview of Pattinson in a tree. What's the "Twilight" star bovvered by now? Shark Week. Like Harry Potter, the sharks are up in his business. There's only room for one species of sharp-toothed, bloodthirsty creatures in the world, and vampires were around first. What does that make sharks? "Copycat fishes. Copy-fishes."

See the original Robert vs. Harry face-off, after the jump; for more on Robert's peeves, visit RobertIsBothered.com.

[14:08] Tara Ariano: I really thought I was going to go to my grave without having seen any of the "Twilight" movies. And I was fine with that. So thanks for ruining my plans, WILL.
[14:09] Will Edmondson: Yeah, but in my defense, could you think of a better set-up for an Embarrassing Movie pick? On paper, I mean.
[14:09] Tara Ariano: Is it more Embarrassing than "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"?
[14:11] Will Edmondson: For me, yes. [Find out why after the jump]

Tweens are not to be trifled with, as actor Cam Gigandet learned when he played the bad guy, James, in "Twilight." Because his film character attempted to inflict harm on Bella and Edward (Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson), Gigandet is now, by the law of transitive properties, hated by every self-respecting female between the ages of 10 and 13. This explains why his attempts to hit on middle-school girls often go awry, as we can see in the above video, courtesy of FunnyOrDie.com.