TLC has signed up Kate Gosselin for a new reality series that will feature her "trying new things" without Jon or her brood, TheWrap.com reports. The reality star and her new litter of hair extensions has been reclaimed by the network "because they are worried if they don't do it with Kate, someone else will," according to a shady-sounding unnamed source.

The new show, which is slated to debut in late spring/early summer, will supposedly have an "interactive" factor in which viewers can suggest new challenges revolving around Kate trying various different professions. I'm picturing something kind of like "The Simple Life," only set on a farm for one week, then a restaurant the next, and perhaps a hardware store after that. I'm sure there will be plenty of fame-mongering businesses that would love to have her around. No fashion-related jobs, please, though -- for all our sakes.

The show is unnamed as of yet, but hopefully will be titled something like, "Kate For Hire," or "Working Mother of Eight," or "Jon Doesn't Pay Child Support." I'm going to make a totally wild prediction that the series ends with Kate getting "challenged" to host her own talk show, and then...she gets hired! Pure conjecture, though.

You know how Kate Gosselin is on the cover of People magazine this week, posing with hair extensions, even though her show has been canceled and nobody wants to think about her or her ex-husband anymore? Oh, you didn't know that? Well, that's to your credit because technically, it doesn't matter. But nobody got around to telling Jon Gosselin's ex-girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, about things that do and don't matter. Because if they had, she'd know that she was one of the things that didn't.

And yet, here is Hailey on "Entertainment Tonight," opining on Kate's appearance on the cover of People because somebody asked her what she thought. I didn't ask her what she thought, so put down that polo mallet, or at least redirect it. But after she went public with her opinion that Kate looks "really good," Glassman started yammering about other things nobody cares about, like her own hair color being brown now, and how she's trying to get "back into [her] old self," which doesn't mean anything.

So, there you have it. Another 'Aughts phenomenon that everybody tried really hard to leave in 2009 that hasn't gone away yet: The Gosselins and their collateral damage. But stand by, because the year is just getting started, and it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Around this time of year, I experience intense mixed emotions on all matters concerning "The Real Housewives." In one way, I'm happy to be able to take a break, in that the now-airing "O.C" series is the one iteration of the Bravo franchise I simply cannot handle. And on the other hand, I miss those skanks! At least Danielle Staub is kind enough to keep her gorgeous, God-given natural face in the tabloids while "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is on hiatus. She and Jon Gosselin appeared in public together recently, most likely at a very classy event like The Opera, or at fancy restaurant called "Classy's" -- and now, she's in the editing stage of a book she wrote called, "The Naked Truth." While no "Cop Without a Badge," her memoir will feature plenty of juicy Danielle revelations, including that she was, at one point, homeless. "That might be a shocking thing for people to know," she tells an "Entertainment Tonight" reporter in the clip above, confusing the word "shocking" with the word "predictable." Also, no offense to my favorite prostitution whore of all time (sorry, Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman"!), but what celebrity WASN'T homeless at some point? Jewel lived in her car, remember? And then she married that rodeo clown? Oh, the '90s.

Because I have normal, loving parents, I've never been the object of any of those late-night, gin-addled talks about whether I was their least-favorite child. I'm not saying my family is perfect, but I think that, with the exception of Jon Gosselin and Lucille Bluth, most parents are subscribers to the conventional wisdom that if you don't want to raise a harem of sad sacks and jerks, you should maybe hold back in letting your kids know that you love some of them less than others.

Well, guess who was the last to get the memo, AS PER USUAL? Television's Jack Hanna, who went on "The Early Show" today to tell America which of his animals were his favorite. And just in time FOR CHRISTMAS. Read more about this chilling revelation after the jump.

Last night's series finale of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" was depressing in as many different ways as there are Gosselin children whose lives will be negatively affected by the public crumbling of their parents' marriage. That's right, it made me sad in eight different ways. At least!

Earlier this month, Jon Gosselin visited the West Side Jewish Center here in New York (as explained above, on "The Early Show"). With the help and guidance of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, Jon listed off a bunch of things he shouldn't have done, like having a relationship with Hailey Glassman and going to France. He concluded the appearance by saying, "Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done. I know that but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction." For the most part, Gosselin seemed serious about abandoning his Cubic Zirconia swagger.

But that was ten days ago, which apparently is enough time for one's moral compass to crack and for fame to slip conviction a roofie. As you can see (after the jump), Jon "Goes Back in Time" for a Funny or Die video, where he rids his life of his Ed Hardy threads, Aveeno moisturizer, and his good friend, Bikini DJ (I'll bet it was hardest to say goodbye to her). But something tells me he's already figured out that "conviction" is overrated.

That headline is not a typo: Levi Johnston really is suing Twitter. No, this is actual truth. Posing for Playgirl (described above on "The Insider"), threatening to "destroy" Sarah Palin, and participating in a photo shoot with Jon Gosselin are no longer the most questionable decisions this young lad has made. Now he's looking for a judge to sentence the big and powerful Twitter to a timeout during recess. And the worst part isn't even that he thinks he has a case.

Here's what happened: last week on "The Tonight Show," William Shatner did a dramatic reading of what was supposed to be several of Levi's tweets. However, they were actually the tweets of an impostor. So Levi is suing Twitter for not realizing that the owner of the account wasn't him. Let's dissect this a bit: aside from the fact that Levi doesn't recognize that even having an imposter is kind of cool, he thinks Twitter's people should have realized that the tweets were made by a phony, and that this is a crime comparable to identity theft.

The worst part is that the tweets were GREAT, and that Johnston should have taken credit for the wisdom that is "maybe I'm a genius and don't even know it," and "what's the deal with the taxi drivers not speaking English? Is there a law against it?" But no! Levi is rejecting any and all credit for those pearls! That seems to go against his character, doesn't it? I know, I'm as confused as you are! Should we assume he's Honest Abe now? Oh, no, wait. He's still posing for Playgirl. And I think that would even be a little too honest for Honest Abe.

It totally makes my head spin when pop culture goes full-circle like this. Speidi, what are you doing to my brain?! Apparently, the celebrity couple put an edge on their costume by hiring two extras to act as a TLC camera crew. Does this mean that they had MTV filming them pretending to be filmed? So meta...anyway, I wonder how much we would have to pay Jon and Kate to dress up as Heidi and Spencer. Jon would be easily bought, I'm sure; plus, he and Spencer have the same wardrobe, so it would be a piece of cake. Kate would demand more, for sure, but everyone has a price...

Okay, I really, really want to stop hearing about Jon Gosselin's midlife crisis every time I turn on the computer. I want more than anyone for him to find a nice place for himself down the Jersey Shore and spend the rest of his days quietly entertaining bimbos in a house decorated solely with Ed Hardy merchandise. Or raising his kids. Whichever he prefers.

So it pains me to report that Jon Gosselin is apparently in negotiations to appear on two shows I really enjoy: "Survivor" and "The Amazing Race." Radar Online says, "Jon is planning to fly to Los Angeles in late November for a meeting about appearing on one of the shows. Nothing is a done deal yet. This is in the very early stages." Let's hope that this is a lie, because really, we already tried "Survivor: The Worst." That was "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!"

Just when Kate Gosselin was starting to win her media battle, Vanity Fair published this article, which details her whirlwind press tour around New York in August (see her backstage on "The View," above). Her publicist and bodyguard squire her around the city, discouraging her from doing things like going to Nobu a mere few hours after sobbing during an on-camera interview. Granted, Jon Gosselin hasn't been doing himself any favors in the public eye; their TLC publicist complains, "He's gone rogue...I can't control him." After reading about Kate stomping on a small boy's foot in three-inch-heels at FAO Schwarz (and barely stopping to apologize), it's pretty hard to take anyone's side. I am, however, looking forward to hearing about Kate Gosselin wig sales.