A British study released a startling finding: every hour per day you spend on your arse in front of the telly increases your risk of DYING from heart disease by 18%. For example, if you spend roughly an hour parked on the sofa every day, then you have and 18% chance of keeling over from a faulty ticker; two hours per day, and your chances jump to 36%. And get this -- it doesn't matter if you're skinny or fat. So that means abstaining from Tostitos hasn't even been worth it!

For those of us who watch TV for a living, this is particularly discouraging news. Sure, there are times when it seems that "Cougar Town" is killing me slowly and painfully, and I know my heart skipped a beat or two during "Toddlers and Tiaras" (just kidding...sort of). But knowing that a future coronary is seeping through my couch cushions into my sedentary butt is a tad alarming, and thus, I've brainstormed some imaginative ways you can avoid (or at least postpone) a comfortable, lazy death in your living room (after the jump).

H1N1 is a big deal to your parents, and they're always telling you to carry hand sanitizer "because they love you." The swine flu's also a big deal to the shouty heads on TV, who tell you to sneeze into your elbow, because sneezing into your hands will probably kill you. (You try to fill 24 hours with two hours of news!) And of course, there's the crazy person at your office that you can barely tolerate; they're still walking around disinfecting the light fixtures because "the germs are everywhere!" The point is, H1N1 is a menace, it's getting stronger (proof above), and it must be stopped.

So whom do we turn to in times of public health crisis? The World Health Organization? (WHO indeed! Pun!) The Red Cross? "MythBusters"? They're all too science-y. Instead, we listen to the brilliant experts at Cosmopolitan magazine, who have graciously given us some suggestions about how to stop the H1N1 epidemic. They include avoiding bear hugs, opting for "terrorist fist-jabs" over shaking hands...and even a more sanitary way to have sex with the consenting adult of your choosing. Cosmo even put together a nice graphic for their tips, which I suggest printing out and carrying with you. Safety first! Hit "continue reading" below to see it after the jump.

Above, you can see Kristin Chenoweth BEFORE her surprise win in the category of Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy (and when I say "surprise win," I of course mean that Will and I did not predict it). But her jubilant moment was cut short when paramedics had to be called backstage to attend her: according to "Access Hollywood," Chenoweth was suffering a migraine so severe that it temporarily left her unable to open her eyes. Chenoweth soon recovered (you could tell from her tweeting) and was able to enjoy the rest of her big night. (And for those mourning Chenoweth's lower TV profile post-"Pushing Daisies": her episode of "Glee" airs next week!)

As we can see in the video above, Tom DeLay is one tough cookie. He's shrugged off smear campaigns, criminal charges, and forced resignation -- so what's a few broken bones caused by dancing practice? Nothing at all, especially when they're not broken bones. The former U.S. Congressman from Texas announced yesterday via Twitter that he was undergoing medical treatment for what appeared to be a stress fracture, causing many to prematurely mourn his impending resignation from "Dancing With the Stars." But it was just a false alarm! DeLay reassured his friends (and foes, who were excited to see him look ridiculous) by Tweeting that he only had a "pre-stress fracture" and would continue practicing his slick moves. I hadn't ever heard of a pre-stress fracture, but I'm sure Tom never lies.

What is going on with you "Today" producers? Yesterday you tried to convince me to cook with tinfoil, and now you can't do a straightforward segment about "The Fat Acceptance Movement"? Where are your experts with definitive knowledge and statistics? If you want me to care about this kind of medical question, then put some data in it instead of wasting my time with equivocations.

David Letterman's Top Ten List on last night's "Late Show" was a compilation of silly tips for avoiding swine flu. Most of them were, as Dave warned us, rather dumb and not worth repeating, except for #8: Be extra-vigilant when shopping at Piggly Wiggly (yes, that was the best one). Less dumb, however, are these cuddly pink H2N1 plush toys, which are being manufactured by a toy company in Connecticut and sold at the gift shop of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta. Also available in plush toy form: the mono, E. coli, and...wait for it...four different venereal diseases!

Last month, Jeff Rubin of CollegeHumor.com posted a recipe for his custom modification of the Oreo cookie (although, as the clip above reminds us, it's a pretty solid snack food, by default). But today, Rubin's Oreo dip made the big time: an entry on This Is Why You're Fat (which we got to via Buzzfeed).

You may think that a dessert dip made out of Oreo cream centers and Oreo ice cream is something you would never eat. But you should click "continue reading" for a photo before you decide. I swear, you can actually taste it with your eyes.

Vincent Pastore, best known for his role as the cat burglar Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero on "The Sopranos," sat down to chat with us about his appearance on the new reality series "Make My Day," which premiered last night. On the show, hidden cameras capture an ordinary guy as he encounters all of his wildest dreams along the course of a day. In last night's episode, Vincent got to make "Sopranos" fan John Castellano's day by inviting him to go bowling. What a guy.

Pastore is pretty much everything you would expect, from his thick New York accent to his ability to name the best Italian restaurants in every borough. And true to his mobster roles, he has friends in all the right places. To hear about his experience on "The Celebrity Apprentice," his starstruck moments, and his subsequent attempted reality show with Stephen Baldwin, hit "continue reading."

Yesterday, "Medium" creator Glenn Gordon Caron told us, "We're not in the buzz business; we're in the broadcast business." Evidently, CW Entertainment President Dawn Ostroff either wasn't present for Caron's remarks, or works in a different business: the network's new tag line for fall is "TV to Talk About," and since she couldn't point to her shows' great ratings -- as one of the critics noted at the "Beautiful Life" panel, Ashton Kutcher's 3 million Twitter followers represents a larger constituency than the audiences for most TV series -- she focused instead on their buzz. More on Ostroff's strategy is after the jump.

Having already used this space to cover Mischa Barton's recent health issues, and the effect her hospitalization had on her new show, "The Beautiful Life," I was curious to see what the panelists for the show would say about her return to the set. Little did I know that the lack of Barton gossip would be filled with copious helpings of Ashton Kutcher! Details are after the jump.