Now that we've all had time to digest the news that former "Family Ties" star Meredith Baxter is a lesbian. In fact, Baxter's announcement got so much attention that it overshadowed other press appearances by some of her TV-mom peers. Check those out after the jump.

* In this case, what we are calling "news" should be understood as "made-up stories."

As I puttered around my kitchen this morning, sniffing the milk and hoping I had clean socks to wear, I caught one of those "Money 911" segments on "Today," where people ask fake questions about their mortgages. It's one of those parts of the show that makes you sleepy again, so I turned the channel to "The Kelly Ripa and Whoever is Sitting in for Regis While he Gets One of his Ancient Hips Replaced Show," which instantly drove me to the brink of madness. I ended up turning off the TV and headed to work, where Tara told me that, after I changed the channel, Meredith "Meredith Baxter-Birney" Baxter sat down with Matt Lauer so that she could tell him she is a lesbian. And then, I lost my mind. The rest of the story is after the jump.

Last night on "Family Guy," Peter and his Bearded Clam drinking cohorts searched for a replacement for Cleveland Brown, who moved from Quahog to 8:30. Of course, because this is a Seth MacFarlane show, the group decides that it needs a black friend, and it just happens to find a blaxploitation character named Jerome at the bar. There are a few story twists, and a lot of formulaic and predictable racist jokes, because come on, the episode is titled "Jerome Is the New Black." Get it? That's a pun.

But I realized something yesterday, and that's that the success of a "Family Guy" episode is not dependent on its storyline, but rather on the famous non sequiturs that fill the space between the "edgy" racist and/or sexist jokes. So this week, let's try something new: Let's rate the episode's non sequiturs, and decode them if necessary. Because let's be honest, kids under 25; do you have any idea who "Mr. Furley" is? Or people over 25, do you know why making a "Kevin Connolly is short" joke is funny? Those and more, explained after the jump.

Above, a money-grubbing Alex P. Keaton pretends to support the Equal Rights Amendment to woo an attractive feminist on a very special "Family Ties." Keaton also subscribed to The Wall Street Journal, embraced Reaganomics, and even gets in a scrap with a tomato-throwing chauvinist in this episode. That's right: Alex P. Keaton, feminist hero.

Now, another enterprising young man is trying to assume Keaton's title. Christopher Beckett, a self-anointed 9-year-old "Internet Whiz," saw his dad earn a "crapload" of money giving Internet marketing tips, and wants in on the family business. He produced a video that he hopes will earn him enough money to get a new dirtbike. And you know what? That's the type of American ingenuity that we're going to need from the next generation. Hit "continue reading" to hear Christopher's pitch.

Michael J. Fox: the original (and best?) Teen Wolf.

MTV just ordered a pilot for that "Teen Wolf" remake they were talking about a while back -- and it's sounding kind of "Twilight"-y:

"'It has a fresh take and is very different from the original,' said Liz Gateley, senior vp MTV series development. 'It has more of an "American Werewolf in Paris" feel to it. It's a dramatic thriller with two best friends in the center who provide a great comedy element: They are two very relatable characters on the outer circles of popular cliques.'"

Um, first of all, Liz Gateley, I think you mean "American Werewolf in LONDON," not its beloved-by-nobody sequel. Secondly, "fresh take" or no, you're gonna need a little van surfing in there. That's just how Teen Wolves roll!

For this inaugural edition of "How Has It Aged?" -- where our editors examine the TV offerings of yesteryear through a cynical contemporary lens -- I had to go with "Say Uncle," a classic "Family Ties" episode starring Tom Hanks as Elyse's younger brother, Ned Donnelly. We had been introduced to Ned in a two -parter the previous year, when the wunderkind corporate executive ran afoul of the law. In "Say Uncle," the now-unemployed Ned returns, possibly in search of a job at the local PBS station where Steven works, and definitely with a Very Special drinking problem.

Now that we've all become inured to Very Special episodes (or shows in which every episode is Very Special, "DEGRASSI: TNG"), this effort is a bit ham-handed. For one thing, Ned goes from arriving on the scene to calling AA on himself in time for the closing credits -- and one hopes it works and that he doesn't just drink himself to death, but we don't actually know, since Ned never returns to the show -- probably because "Splash" came out the same year this episode aired and the show couldn't meet Hanks's quote anymore.

One thing about sitcoms back in the day - they weren't afraid to bring the laughs to a screeching, awkward halt with a "heavy" topic now and then. If it was not born in the 80's, the "very special episode" certainly thrived in that decade - and nowhere more than on "Family Ties."