Before "Twilight" and "New Moon" author Stephenie Meyer showed us Forks, Washington was actually a place in the U.S., it was just another one of those secret "cities" with lots of trees. After Meyer got hold of it, she upgraded it to a hot spot of sexual repression and pale people (as the "New Moon" trailer, above, shows). But it seems like there's even more to Forks that reality TV producers feel is worth knowing about!

Casting is currently underway for the still untitled series that will document the lives of Forks's real residents (as in, the people that aren't vampires, werewolves, or super-duper-pale, I guess). Producer Zig Gauthier told a local newspaper, "Obviously we won't be out on the ocean...but the idea is to show what life here is really like. There are a variety of ways we could do this, but of course this is at the very beginning stages." But see, the show hasn't even started filming yet and producers are already going about this the wrong way! Not only were most of the scenes in the "Twilight" and "New Moon" movies not filmed in Forks (IMDB names British Columbia, Canada, as where the majority of shooting took place), but nobody cares about "the ocean" either! We want to know how the residents feel about their hometown being synonymous with blood, glittering skin, and teenagers that over-emote! Are people ransacking houses in hopes of finding the "real" Edward Cullen? Are local hipsters trying to come up with a potion to make them live to be 107 years old? Are more people abstaining from sex? These are the questions producers should be looking to answer. No one cares about the temperature of the Pacific.

11:01:29 AM Will Edmondson: So, Tara, you're TOTES ready for this question, LOL!: Are you on "Team Edward," or "Team Jacob"!?!
11:01:59 AM Tara Ariano: To quote Lucille Bluth: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
11:02:49 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I know what team I'm on, Tara. I'm on "Team 2012," in which a massive, apocalyptic disaster strikes the (fictitious) town of Forks and leaves nothing but a magma-filled fissure down Main Street.
11:04:07 AM Tara Ariano: If that did happen, a lot of (fictitious) people would be better off.
11:06:02 AM Will Edmondson: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie wasn't directed at me and my demographic. But this was still one of the worst moviegoing experiences I've ever had. And yes, this is a blog, and the Internet and hyperbole. But I'm serious: watching "New Moon" was horrible.

For some reason, Conan hired two assistants that weren't me. One was a brooding vampire named Cody, and the other was an impressively studly "wolf boy." This resulted in some tension, because they both wanted to be the only assistant, but Conan found it difficult to choose one over the other (just as Bella from "New Moon" wants both Edward Cullen and Jacob in her life, duh -- get with it). If you have eyes, the decision is not a difficult one to make. Conan must not have eyes, because he struggles in deciding. Oh, and Jerry Springer showed up to help. Watch the clip above to see who became Conan's assistant (basically because he survived), and get a full recap of last night's late night TV after the jump.

All right everybody. "New Moon" is officially in theaters, and your time is up. Finish your last sentence, then put your pencils down and close your books. Push in your chairs and get yourselves to the nearest theater to partake in what's surely going to be some cinematic wonder filled with young love, glittering vampires, and shirtless underage werewolves.

This past week has been packed to the brim with TV appearances from "New Moon" actors and related personnel, so before you leave, allow me to give you some last-minute prep and insight. Waiting for you after the jump is a comprehensive rundown of who said what on the public circuits, some useful information about the making of the movie, and some Twihards (because I couldn't resist). But before any of that, watch an extended "New Moon" trailer, above. When you're ready, and not a moment before, click "continue reading" to dive further into the franchise...because things will never be the same.