This morning's "Today" did a segment (above) on the marijuana-smoking epidemic among young, professional women, eight million of whom apparently prefer to do their unwinding with little reefer instead of the more traditional glass of Chardonnay or long, sensual bubble bath.

These ladies (who distinguish themselves from the Seth Rogens of the world by using flirty, feminine rolling papers) are called "Stiletto Stoners," by the way -- which is also probably the title of a Darren Star "Weeds" knockoff coming to a desperate TV network near you.

In what Oprah called "the best interview I've ever done," Whitney Houston told Winfrey yesterday all about the special kind of "drug cocktail" that she and her ex-husband Bobby Brown used to make. Oprah was so confused by the words "marijuana" and "cocaine" in the same sentence that Whitney had to explain it several times: "You put [the cocaine] in your marijuana, Oprah, okay? Work with me here." She then mimed the act of sprinkling drugs into a pipe so that Oprah could grasp the concept. The interview was so good that they're airing a second part today! Two episodes of Oprah, a new Billboard-topping album, and legs that won't quit? Comeback WIN.

When Americans think of Amsterdam, they usually think of the lax drug laws and party scene, as "CBS News" profiles above. Bill O'Reilly, who is really American, tends to agree with those stereotypes, and talks about Amsterdam's drug and crime culture on his show from time to time. One Amsterdammer took it upon himself to refute O'Reilly's claims this summer, and released a video to set the record straight. It was a hit.

O'Reilly then pounced, and addressed the video on his show, saying that statistics were different in Amsterdam, and that he, of course wasn't in the wrong. You can imagine how that went over, as the same Amsterdammer released his second response to O'Reilly today. Spoiler alert: It doesn't make O'Reilly look very worldly...or good at statistics. Hit "continue reading" to see both responses.

Above: Kevin Nealon, of TV Land's forthcoming "Glenn Martin, DDS," takes Jimmy Fallon's Internet Personality Test.

Remember a few days ago when I complained that I was going to have to go see "G-Force" as part of the Big Movie series? I really thought about it and searched my soul and decided that I couldn't do it. So in order to get out of it, I got on a plane and came here to Pasadena to participate in the Television Critics Association summer press tour instead, and will be here reporting until the final night, August 8. (My esteemed colleague Will is still going, though, so look out for a special surprise in his recap, later this week.)

Just when our humble little American airports started to feel proud of their big x-ray machines, "shoes off" policies, and semi-talented K-9 employees attempting to prevent drug trafficking, South Korea has gone and made a mockery of it all. This morning, seven cloned Labrador Retriever puppies (collectively named "Toppy," because they can only be told apart if their microchips are scanned) made the world a better place by sniffing for drugs in Seoul's Incheon International Airport. So not only can one genetically perfected Toppy crack down on drugs better than a German Shepherd in America -- Toppy packs a posse, too.

According to a new poll, 2 out of 3 Americans feel that Michael Jackson's death has gotten too much media coverage. On the flip side, the story is such a perfect hot mess of drugs, family feuding, and tragedy that nobody can look away. However, I must agree that the hoopla has gotten out of hand. Exhibit A: the Michael Jackson puppet show tribute, above.

Charlotte Cowles (1:42:08 PM): First off: Sebastian and Taylor's kiss? Awk to the ward.
Hannah Lawrence (1:43:02 PM): So awkward. There was no lingering, no gazing into each others' eyes ... it reminded me of those alphabet magnets coming together. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Charlotte Cowles (1:44:34 PM): Okay, fine. Let's start with P.C. and Jessie's breakfast, which is ridiculous. No one has breakfast together before school.
Hannah Lawrence (1:48:16 PM): That breakfast took a lot out of me. As did the leopard print.
Charlotte Cowles (1:48:47 PM): Which was especially fitting when P.C. said Jessie was "territorial, like a tiger."
Hannah Lawrence (1:49:34 PM): And then Jessie corrects him by saying, "Like a cougar" -- which I'm confused by, because Jessie being a cougar is physically impossible.
Charlotte Cowles (1:51:13 PM): Have you ever noticed that every Jessie/P.C. conversation always involves Jessie saying "I don't care, I'm not your girlfriend" at least once?
Hannah Lawrence (1:52:20 PM): They have a confusing relationship, indeed.
Charlotte Cowles (1:54:19 PM): I give her props for admitting that she's needy. It was a nice moment of introspection. I'm warming to her.
Hannah Lawrence (1:55:21 PM): Yes, us preppies are very good at alerting others to our emotions.
Charlotte Cowles (1:55:40 PM): It's all that time we spent in therapy. And speaking of shrinks ...

After her new movie "Labor Pains" sailed straight to ABC Family, Lindsay Lohan is giving her acting skills an even longer break: she's trying her hand at reality TV -- and with Ryan Seacrest by her side, no less! To make matters even classier, the pair announced their joint venture via good ol' Twitter. Ryan typed: "Met with lindsay last night about a show idea I have for her..it helps people and gives others a second shot! Still putting it all together" [sic]. Lindsay was even more revealing (surprise): " Working on a really great project for television- I am excited! Something meaningful like Extreme Home Makeover on ABC.. :)" [sic]. I guess this means Lindsay turned down Dr. Drew?

Unless you're a cokehead. See, the worse the economy is, the more dealers cut 8 balls with baking soda, baby laxatives, aspirin, talc, and Ajax. (Note to self: buy stock in baby laxative.)

As the pound has fallen against the dollar, cocaine purity has reportedly fallen from 32% to 22%.

"It's all about margins, isn't it?" says a grinning Bloomberg anchor in this video. "Doesn't matter what the business is."

So quit snorting lines, J. Edgar Hoover. Instead, die your hair with Tressant Supreme, Kelly Ripa's favorite brand. Or you could just drink Red Bull cola in Germany. Click "continue reading" for the videos.

This video attempts to explain the Tenth Dimension to people who aren't on nerd PEDs. It uses simple pictures, like a Denny's menu for science -- no reading required, just point and drool. It also uses a guy with a soothing voice to explain travel across space and time using dots and lines. Watch it as many times as needed. If you understand it, then clearly you're on drugs. If you don't, click "continue reading" and let Christian Bale explain it to you as clearly as possible.