It sucks to be a man. Women make them shop for undies and smell candles, and their bosses make them sit in boring meetings and do all kinds of stuff they hate. Given the chance, a man would trade his wife for a good set of tires so he can drive over the speed limit to somewhere that has snacks and beer. In fact, in the face of doom, the only thing that can save the world is beer. And animals love cars as much as men do. And women love babies, Paris, and book clubs. And men hate being around women -- unless those women have beer. And Hollywood only produces remakes or movies based on videogames. Men love videogames, especially if they are violent.

This is the overarching narrative of Sunday's Super Bowl ads. If you believe that the people shelling out millions for these spots have done their research and targeted the audience well, this is the country we live in: Men feel castrated by modern society and are on their way to fatal obesity and a 12-step program -- alone in a speeding car.

After the jump is a breakdown of the ads that aired during the Super Bowl, which attracted an estimated 106.5 million people. That makes it the most watched television in history. Sorry "M*A*S*H." Football is the new king.

Last night brought the premiere of "Crash Course," in which five teams tackled an extreme driving course to win $50,000. Considering that amount of money covers only one of the cars that they wrecked, it seems a bit much -- or perhaps too little? You decide: watch the full episode, above.

Speaking of obstacles, there were some pretty ridiculous faceplants on "Wipeout." Reba McEntire performed on "America's Got Talent," and "Giuliana and Bill" continued their cooing and cuddling. For the full roundup, hit "continue reading."

Comedian Katt Williams declared bankruptcy yesterday, despite his comedy tours that grossed an estimated $50 million. Williams recently invited Kathy Griffin to his home (featured on "My Life on the D List," above) to give her some tips on playing the Apollo Theater, and gave us some the rest of us some tips on how to blow $50 million in the process.

According to the show, Williams was the most successful touring comedian in the world; so successful that he retired at 35. His driveway is filled with a Lamborghini, Rolls Royce, and other exotic cars, and Griffin says his mansion is "the size of a small city." But I guess either comedy doesn't pay that well, or his spread complete with a putting green, kennel, and "mini-zoo" costs a lot to maintain. Either way, Internet, there's a lesson in all this: Just because you're worth $50 million doesn't mean you can have a backyard full of llamas.

As you can see from the clip above, Homer Simpson's backseat driving skills are top-notch. Now, thanks to GPS manufacturers TomTom, you can drive with him all the time: a new application allows GPS users to hear their directions in the sweet vocal tones of Homer himself. Given Homer's spotty driving history, this may not be the safest thing for motorists. But rest assured, he'll get you out of New York alive, and he'll definitely keep you from nodding off at the wheel.

If we really want to reduce America's dependence on foreign oil, we don't need a car that runs on electricity or chocolate. We need to get rid of cars.

The New York Times rounded up a bunch of experts to discuss the issue of going car-free, but none of them addressed the biggest problem: What would happen to Hollywood? Movies and television just would not be the same.

Right off the bat in car-free America, "Dude, Where's My Car?" becomes a post-apocalyptic horror film, not some corny Ashton Kutcher flick.

Here are a few more reasons why we cannot go car-free:

This morning, soon-to-be-former President Bush (quack, quack) announced that the ailing auto industry would receive a controversial $13.4 billion bailout. The measure has divided Congress for the last several weeks, thus landing in the lap of the executive branch. For those who feel that the auto industry should be left to sputter into bankruptcy, the plan loans cash-moniez along with strict orders for overhauling spending practices. The companies must cut $13.5 billion in costs over the next three months, limit executive pay, and get rid of those sweet corporate jets. I don't know about you, but I feel sweet vindication knowing that those Detroit auto kings will be suffering in business class from now on. The only thing worse than bankruptcy is a screaming baby in row three... right?

Oh my God, why are Canadians so funny. Especially The Kids in the Hall.  I still crush heads between my thumb and index finger. And, yeah, I think sex-obsessed, human-sized chickens are hilarious. The Kids in the Hall love wigs and the bizarre, which are both illustrated well in this clip about men's passion for automobiles. You have no idea how deep it runs.

Perhaps you've heard that the American auto industry is not doing so hot? You might have picked up on it the last time you looked around at everyone you knew and realized that fewer than 1% of them own American cars. The report above, from CBS's "The Early Show," outlines in what ways the U.S. government is nationalizing yet another industry, but not everyone on the internet is all that psyched about it.