A scant 38 years after Carly Simon recorded her iconic single, "You're So Vain" -- a hit song rumored to be about any one of myriad '70s cads, including Warren Beatty, Mick Jagger, and James Taylor -- The Sun reveals that Simon has finally let the cat out of the so-called bag. No, not Cat Stevens! It's not about him either.

It turns out that Carly Simon, seen above in a recent Bloomberg clip, re-recorded "You're So Vain" for her new record, and gave fans an Easter egg: when you play the track backwards, you get to hear her whisper the first name of the guy she once bet thought the song was about him. And that name is: "David." No, not David Niven! That is insane. She means David Geffen -- the former record executive and Dreamworks impresario who also happens to be the subject of Joni Mitchell's divine "Free Man in Paris." This is a total curveball.

Given that Geffen's a gay guy from Brooklyn whose mother sold brassieres, I want to tip my hippie headband to him for being the man-muse behind two of the best female-helmed pop songs in the history of time. And yet, maybe Geffen should give other people a chance to have songs written about them? I'm beginning to thing "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" could have been written about him too, and that's not fair to the guy named Leroy Brown in the dive bar right now trying to score with the waitress by telling her that the song on the jukebox is about him. Poor Leroy. I'll bet he walked into that dive bar like he was walking onto a speedboat.

Welcome to New York City, where even 9-foot-wide, 990-square foot houses can sell for millions of dollars if they're in the right neighborhood. The narrowest house in the city (profiled above), located in the trendy West Village is for sale, listed at $2.7 million. The house is also 42 feet long -- a perfect size for Frodo Baggins to finally set roots down in the city.

The listing realtors claim that actors Cary Grant and John Barrymore also once lived in the house, and it was previously owned by antropologist Margaret Mead. But I'm surprised that the realtors would look over the house's most famous (alleged) tenants: The Keebler Elves.

Documentarian Michael Moore released a new trailer for his film about the financial crisis (discussed above) yesterday. Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story" will tell the story of the bailout, subprime mortgage crisis, and plight of average everyday Americans in the even-handed, fair, open, agenda-free way that is his trademark.*

*Except none of those things.

I've already railed against Moore's film (twice), so I'll refrain this time. But if you'd care to watch the trailer and decide for yourself, it's after the jump.

In addition to the various other crimes Bernie Madoff committed, and for which he was recently sentenced to prison, he was unfaithful to his wife, which we knew; his secretary already spilled those beans a couple months ago in her juicy Vanity Fair tell-all. But just in case he doesn't look quite slimy enough, financier Sheryl Weinstein is publishing a book about her extramarital affair with Madoff. (Incidentally, she had all her family's money invested with him as well.) The shudder-inducing title, "Madoff's Other Secret: Love, Money, Bernie, and Me," will be out later this month, and according to Bloomberg, it will include "details of the affair...photographs and some intimate descriptions of Madoff." Gross. I'm guessing Ruth won't be sending him care packages anytime soon.

This year's Princeton Review delivered some shocking news: Penn State was named the #1 party school instead of Florida.

There must have been some kind of mix-up here. Penn State over Florida? How can this be? They think more parties happen in Pennsylvania, where the weather is bleak and unpredictable, compared to Florida, where there aren't even winters? Pennsylvania, where there's what, the Liberty Bell, instead of Florida, home of sun, beaches, palm trees, bikinis, and the Florida cocktail? Outrageous.

Windbag Documentarian Michael Moore announced yesterday that his new movie about the global economic meltdown will be titled "Capitalism: A Love Story." Moore said in a statement, "It will be the perfect date movie. It's got it all -- lust, passion, romance and 14,000 jobs being eliminated every day. It's a forbidden love, one that dare not speak its name. Heck, let's just say it: It's capitalism." I guess Moore didn't feel that the pompous, one-sided half-truths that will (almost certainly) comprise the film deserved a mention in the hype blast.

I already vented about Moore's movie a couple months ago, but I'm curious: Does anyone else think it's a little ironic that Moore is going after opportunistic, obnoxious, greedy Wall Street with an opportunistic, obnoxious, greedy movie? Moore's last three films are the highest-grossing documentaries of all time (per Bloomberg, above). So really, isn't "Capitalism" just looking to profit off the "greatest swindle in American history" too? Unless Moore is planning to donate his proceeds to Bernie Madoff's victims or the now pensionless GM assembly line workers...but something tells me that's not going to happen. If this movie is about greed and dishonesty, this whole thing is a little pot-meets-kettle, no?

While Sacha Baron Cohen is busy promoting overexposing his new movie "Bruno" with "shocking" and "controversial" appearances, there's one place in the world that still can't get over "Borat." Kazakhstan, Borat's fictional homeland, has just signed a $1.5 million contract with a Washington D.C. lobbying firm in order to "resurrect the country's image." Because there's no better way to prove Kazakhstan's not a backward country than by lobbying against a movie made three years ago.

Hit "continue reading" below for Bloomberg's report on the story, and to see why Kazakhstan might have to hire someone to fix up its national anthem, too, after the jump.

President Obama says that the Los Angeles Lakers will beat the Orlando Magic in six games. He predicted that the North Carolina Tar Heels would win the NCAA college basketball title and -- shock -- they did. He went with the Pittsburgh Steelers over the Arizona Cardinals (Pennsylvania was a battleground state, so that's just smart politics) in the Super Bowl, and guess who won? Mmmhmmm.

Do I need to connect the dots any more for you?

Maybe these "predictions" are taken seriously by the Department of Homeland Security. When the Lakers win in six, as "predicted," just remember that we have the biggest, most secretive government in the history of this country and it's now being run by a socialist Muslim from Nigeria. Wake up, America!

Click "continue reading" or the terrorists have won.

The last Titanic survivor has passed away. Mevlina Dean was 9 when she escaped the sinking ship.

Click "continue reading" for today's roundup.

David Stern, you are crafty, you little soft-spoken, cuddly mafia don. I jus' wanna pinch those chubby game-fixing cheeks!

With the alleged possibility of an NBA Finals without Kobe Bryant or LeBron James, some people are freaking out. Denver vs. Orlando? No offense to Carmelo Anthony and Dwight Howard, but really ... who cares?

Any semiconscious observation of the officiating in the two conference finals makes it quite clear that the NBA is nudging games in the direction it desires. It doesn't directly dictate the outcomes -- unless it has to. A few calls here or there, maybe a bunch in the first quarter when people are paying less attention.

Remember the Lakers-Kings series in 2002? Mmhmm. The league wanted Kobe and Shaq in the finals and that's what it got. Kiss the ring.

Just accept the fact that your are watching a form of improv athletic drama. The NBA sets the stage so "Amazing Happens."

This isn't even a conspiracy theory, people, it's just reality. A conference finals sweep is a nightmare, four games is three games to few. The league loses a ton of money.

Will. Not. Happen.

Five games? Fuggedaboudit! Six, minimum. Probably seven.

Did your really think the Cavs were going to lose last night? Dummy. You should have wagered the few pennies left in your 401(k), mortgaged the house that is almost in foreclosure, and bet it all on LeBron. It was a sure thing.

So in the video above David Stern's tells some lie about how fans enjoy seeing good team-play, and a finals without Kobe or LeBron would be fine and dandy.

"Mr. Stern, will there be a collective let-down if the biggest stars aren't on the biggest stage?"

"I don't think so. I think we're getting to the point where the event defines the teams. Kiss the ring."

Actually, Stern's only half lying. They don't need both, but they do need one. And if they don't have both, it will be because of this expose on corruption in the NBA. (You are welcome in advance, and thank you for the Pulitzer.)

Enter Tim Leiweke, CEO of Anschutz Entertainment Group. He basically calls Stern a liar: "If your revenues are driven, in part, by that TV contract, then you've got to think about ratings." By "think" he means fix games. You can retrieve his body from the East River later tonight. It will be lashed to mine with razor wire.
 
Note to fans: Not only do the teams work for David Stern, so do the players and so do the referees. They all work for the NBA. When the NBA makes money, they all make money. If they NBA doesn't make money ... well, that's just not going to happen, is it? That's the wonderful thing about a government-sanctioned monopoly.

Kiss the ring.