Patton Oswalt, who is the best, turns 41 years young today. Also, 41 years old! I was just being nice. But 41 is not old! And Oswalt has done so much! Seen above performing on Conan O'Brien's "Tonight Show" -- which, not to be all "Not my President," but that will always be my "Tonight Show"-- Oswalt spent his 2009 doing all things great, including playing the lead role in the film "Big Fan," releasing a new comedy album and Comedy Central special called "My Weakness Is Strong," making guest appearances on basically every TV show, and becoming a father to a little baby girl named Alice. May this year only exceed your last, Mr. Oswalt, and may you become "B-word fat" with birthday cake today. And also with GOOD FEELINGS. You deserve them!

"Why is everybody freaking out over conan o'brian's 'last show'?" wrote one of my friends on Facebook Saturday morning. "Like he's not going to be back having boring conversations with celebrities in the next few months." Which is a completely fair viewpoint on the end (?) of the Late Night Wars. As for me: I was surprised by how emotional I got watching the series finale of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" (in full, above). I'll break it down, and mention the rest of Friday's late-night highlights, after the jump.

I won't claim to know the man, but Conan O'Brien doesn't spite me as a naturally bitter or spiteful person. And yet, even the sunniest personality might come out the other side of the Late Night Wars just a bit jaded, and come up with ways to punish those who'd done him wrong. On last night's episode of "The Tonight Show," O'Brien introduced a new character specially designed to run up NBC's bills. See that above, and hit "continue reading" for the rest of last night's late-night highlights.

Confirmed: tomorrow's episode of "The Tonight Show" will be the last of Conan O'Brien's tenure. So what better time is there for him to welcome back old friends? Watch the reunion above, and hit "continue reading" for the rest of last night's late-night highlights.

The circumstances that will end Conan O'Brien's tenure at "The Tonight Show" are still up in the air, but one thing's certain: he hasn't signed a non-disparagement clause against NBC yet -- or, at least, not one that covers his dabbling in Romance languages. See his clever workaround above, and see more highlights from last night's late-night TV after the jump.

Heidi Montag, who was recently eviscerated along with her husband, Spencer on "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" (above), is back in the news after getting ten plastic surgeries in one day, and appearing on the cover of "People" magazine under the headline, "Addicted to Plastic Surgery." Before I read the article (which I did, in full; don't be jealous--I'm kind of a magazine worm), I thought Montag had regretted her surgeries. Most people who use the word "addiction" as a framework for something they've done in excess tend to speak of their deeds ruefully. But actually, the whole premise of the article was that Heidi is thrilled! And after looking at her post-op photos on TMZ, you can see why she would be. She doesn't look anything like a human being anymore! It totally fits what she has instead of a personality. The even better news is that her surgeon, who took a hot knife to Montag's twenty-three year old body in order to give her DDD breasts, multiple liposuction procedures, a second nose job, a brow lift, multiple fat injections, pinned ears, and a smaller chin, feels totally great about himself. Dr. Frank Ryan, who according to Radar has two malpractice lawsuits against him, was quoted as saying "I would never push the envelope. Heidi's a young, healthy girl: she was cleared medically. [The ten surgeries she endured over the course of ten straight hours] was well within the realm of safety." So congrats, Heidi! Enjoy your new face, complete with the same dead eyes that you had when we first had no choice but to hear of you.

Conan continued to swing for the fences at NBC's expense last night by selling "The Tonight Show" on Craigslist (see above). That's right, he actually posted it, which means we should get a report on the most creative responses in the near future. In other news, Conan is also considering a career in porn, because that's what everyone thinks about when their job is in jeopardy. (See it, after the jump. And yes, it's SFW -- sorry?)

Late night is all about skewering NBC's inept management these days, and no one's having more fun with it than Conan O'Brien. Coco opened his show show (no no?) last night with a monologue rife with NBC barbs. The best line: "[Kids,] you can do anything you want in life...unless Jay Leno wants to do it too." Then, the host outlined some of NBC's changes to the Winter Olympics, which were also brilliant. One proposed change: "Move bronze [medals] to gold's place, keep silver where it is, and invent a new fourth-place medal called 'the NBC'." Well done, "Tonight Show" writing staff.

Jack McBrayer (as "30 Rock's" Kenneth the Page) also made a cameo appearance, and Conan's interview with Ricky Gervais was predictably hilarious. Gervais was worried about Conan's future, because he didn't believe the host had any "skills." The full episode is above, please enjoy. As for the rest of last night's late night shows, they're all after the jump.

Yesterday afternoon, Conan O'Brien publicly released a statement detailing why he would be unwilling to continue hosting "The Tonight Show" if NBC went through with its plans to air it at 12:05 AM. In the early evening, he taped an episode of his show. You should watch it, in full, above: NBC does not really come off so well, and it's hilarious. The rest of last night's late-night highlights are after the jump.

Go, Co-Co, Go! Conan O'Brien, in a pitch-perfect display of class and wit, released a statement saying that he would not host "The Tonight Show" if NBC goes forward with its plan to move him to 12:05 AM, after a thirty-minute version of "The Jay Leno Show." In his letter -- which is the eptome of grace under fire, no offense to Brett Butler -- Conan expresses his intention to keep the NBC institution of "The Tonight Show" intact, and to be fair to Jimmy Fallon, the heir to his "Late Night" slot, who would be hypothetically shafted in the NBC scheduling switch-up. The tone of Conan's statement is utterly gracious, but if you scrutinized it with a passive-aggression-sensitive microscope, you'd notice that he has a "take" on the way NBC has been treating their ratings problems since he began his reign (stupidly!).

"After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule."

Conan says he has no plans to go to another network right now, and has no other offers currently, despite what you may have heard about Fox. However this story ends, at least the good guys stood up and did the right thing. And I, for one, can't wait to see the remaining episodes of "The Tonight Show" Conan has yet to produce. I'm hoping The Masturbating Bear doesn't have a lot to do between now and then -- I have a feeling he's going to be getting a lot of screen time.

The full text of Conan's statement is after the jump.