Today, from the "Wait, wait, WHAT?" file, comes news that Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in a new series on the History Channel. Now, if Larry's history lessons are anything like his child rearing tips (above), this is certainly not good news for people who like to learn about history. But for the rest of us, this actually could be pretty fun. Reuters explains:

"In 'Only in America With Larry the Cable Guy' (working title), Larry explores the country, immersing himself in different lifestyles, jobs and hobbies that celebrate the American experience." Gabe at Videogum followed that with his own deduction: "It's gonna be like 'Guy Fieri Road Show' but without all that sauce! Yuck." Though, I disagree with that last piece of commentary, and here's why:

This show is apparently going to be "Dirty Jobs," combined with "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives," and hosted by a character who should probably be in a home. I said character, because Larry the Cable Guy is actually a guy named Daniel Whitney, and he seems pretty normal. But, you know what? Who cares if he's not a real guy? I like the sound of a combination of "Dirty Jobs" and Triple D, because those shows are great (even if Guy Fieri isn't). Throw Larry the Cable Guy into it, and the result is less of a TV show, and more of an anthropological experiment. So far, 2010 is a brave, new world filled with "Conveyor Belt of Love." "Only in America With Larry the Cable Guy" is a giant step up from that.

Color me unsurprised that Tyra Banks is holding a plus-size teen model search, or that it's titled "Fiercely Real." In fact, the only thing I couldn't have predicted is that there aren't more gimmicky requisites -- a plus-size teen model search for albinos, for example, or a plus-size teen model search for those with abnormally large feet. Oh, and the fact that it isn't going to be aired on television! That's right -- we won't get to watch as girls who were called ugly by their mothers and mocked in school overcome their insecurities emerge as swans on the national television. Instead, we'll just see photos on Tyra's website.

Tyra has always been a staunch defender of the plus-size modeling industry, and she deserves some credit for voluptuous women getting more time in the limelight lately. However, it's also notable that Tyra has shed a significant amount of weight in the last year, and this contest could be a cheap appeasement tactic for critics who have called her hypocritical. It's true that the contest will take minimal effort on Tyra's part; she won't have to film anything, and I'm guessing she won't be judging, and the winner gets no money (but will receive "a day with Tyra," whatever that means).

Basically, it's better than nothing, but despite Tyra's reasons for holding it, I doubt anyone will really watch it. A plus-size teen model search for Siamese twins would be another story, though...

Between Khloe and Kourtney's khombined efforts, the free world took a few hits this week. First off, OK! Magazine's cover showed Kourtney Kardashian holding her month-old baby and touting her post-pregnancy diet secrets. "My hunger-free diet and easy fitness plan will work for you too!" she claims. Only, she didn't really say that, and what's more, she's actually much fatter than the picture on the cover. "They doctored and Photoshopped my body to make it look like I have already lost all the weight, which I have not," she told Women's Wear Daily. OK! also claimed that she gained 26 pounds during her pregnancy, but she Tweeted that she'd actually put on 40. Way to be a positive role model for women of all sizes, Kourtney. I appreciate your honesty, and look forward to you selling your non-airbrushed photo spread to prove it. (After she knocks on her head and repeats, "Cancel! Cancel!" as demonstrated in the video, above.)

While her sister was standing up for her curves, Khloe was busy meeting President Obama, who did some palm-greasing with the Lakers (and their wives) yesterday. Khloe was so starstruck that she forgot her verb tenses, Tweeting, "I just meet Obama with my husband!" That'll do, khids. Let's talk more about who the smartest sister is.

Jimmy Kimmel went on "The Jay Leno Show" last night, and as you may have heard, took his Jay Leno-mocking to a place no one thought it would go: Right in Leno's face. Kimmel, when asked about the best prank he ever pulled, responded, "The best prank I ever pulled was I told a guy that -- five years from now -- I'm gonna give you my show. And then when the five years came, I gave it to him, and then I took it back almost instantly. " Who knew that Jimmy Kimmel was such a loyal Team Coco operative!?

NBC has curiously pared down the segment to only the first, tamely-answered question above. But thanks to some Internet heroes, the full clip is after the jump.

This morning, Tyra told People magazine why she was ending "The Tyra Show": "Here is the real reason: I love this show, this show is my life, and I love it enough to know when it's time to say goodbye. It's the perfect number, the exact right time." Just kidding! That's what Oprah said in November. Tyra, who's ending her show in Spring 2010, basically said the same thing, but she added the words "fierce" and "hair salons" in her goodbye statement, because her sentences would be incomplete without them.

So why is Banks bowing out? Like Oprah, she is looking to bring her knowledge of menstruation, enemas, and "smize"-ing to film production, where she can spread positive images blah young girls blah blah beauty by way of the big screen. And we'll still get our fill of her from "America's Next Top Model," which will start up again in February, along with ABC's "True Beauty," which Tyra produces with Ashton Kutcher.

Tyra's next move? She's undoubtedly hard at work on a film about an abused, illiterate girl named "Special" that will star unknown talent and feature Jennifer Lopez with a fake fuzzy mustache. Get ready, Sundance!

Snooki, Mike "the Situation", and Pauly D's FunnyOrDie video doesn't make any references to Alyssa Milano's bizarre attempt at condemning their love of tanning and tube tops, but it doesn't really matter, because this video retaliates simply through its superior hilarity (see it, after the jump). Better yet, it's not hilarious in the way that "Jersey Shore" usually is -- like any trend well-worth their fifteen minutes, these guys are evolving. I don't want to spoil any of the fun for you, but I will say that the only thing better than newly-minted reality stars making fun of themselves is...when they do it in funny accents.

On a separate but very related note, the unchallenged winner of this video, Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino, was spotted roaming around the lobby of the Dream Hotel in New York last weekend wearing nothing but a hotel bathrobe and jeans. He explained to a bystander that he had locked himself out of his room, "lost his clothes," and was hoping to find a hotel a gift shop where he could buy a t-shirt.

I have two things to say about this story. First of all, how adorably stereotype-affirming of Mike to assume that his hotel would have a gift shop with t-shirts! And secondly, this bathrobe-clad wanderer couldn't possibly be him, because he would obviously never bother to cover up.

Last night, that show that you sometimes see five minutes of after you forget to change the channel after "30 Rock" -- better known to your grandparents as "The Jay Leno Show" -- invited "Snooki," "The Situation," and "Pauly D" of MTV's acclaimed sociological experiment "Jersey Shore" to continue their inexplicable press tour. The gang showed up to play some Jaywalk All-Stars, and Leno asked his guests some hard-hitting questions to "test their knowledge" on current events and basic history. I don't have to tell you how it went, because Leno's been doing the same bits for decades, and the "Jersey Shore" kids are making a career out of being stupid.

Of course, Leno did throw in a picture of Libyan leader Muammar al-Gaddafi just to make sure that these kids aren't considering a career in international politics. We should consider that a public service. But, if you're Catholic (which the "Jersey" kids say they are), you should probably know the name of Pope Benedict XVI. And if you're American, you should know that Joe Biden is the Vice President. If you're from Jersey, you should know who Frank "Ol' Blue Eyes" Sinatra is. So let's just say that unless this is a brilliant piece of performance art, I'll be keeping my dogs away from Snooki -- who we learned last night is in school to become a "vet tech." (Although, a "Snooki's Pet Hospital" reality show might be genius.)

Last night on "The Jay Leno Show," Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to take Leno's boring Green Car Challenge, but instead pretended to fire a bazooka at Leno's electric car and blew it up. Of course, it would've been cooler if he'd actually shot a bazooka at a car -- without Leno in it, of course, because murder is wrong -- but it probably wouldn't look good for the Governor of "Cauli-forn-ya" to be shooting military-grade weapons on the Universal backlot. Oh, Arnold also announced that he was picking Abel Maldonado to be his new lieutenant governor last night...which I'm sure was very exciting for the ten politically-aware Californians who watch "The Jay Leno Show."

Something strange and fascinating happened last night on "The Jay Leno Show." When guest Howie Mandel was sitting across from Jay in those velvet blue chairs (seen above), he said, "To be honest with you, I'm uncomfortable right now...I'm not comfortable with this whole setup." This is the first time a guest has voiced a negative opinion about the show -- at least, on the show. I imagine that, after taping their segments or driving in the Green Car Challenge, there are a few celebrities who say, "What the hell was that all about?"

Howie explains that he and Jay are old friends, and I'm sure he would have kept his mouth shut if he didn't think Jay could take the comment in stride. Howie probably meant stealing some junky, offstage table and planting it in front of Jay to be a gag, but I think there's more to it. Considering all the criticism of Jay's show, it's almost as if Howie's actions are their physical manifestation. Once he brought that table on stage, it's like Howie was implying, "You had a good thing going, but you left it. And now that you're getting heat from all sides, here's a little something familiar to help you get back on your game." Unfortunately, Jay said the table just made him want to play Canasta. But Jay's a smart guy, so I'm sure the gentle jab wasn't entirely lost on him.

Mariah Carey visited "The Jay Leno Show" last night, and like any proper diva, she knows how to make an entrance. She looked a little shaky walking onstage, and then lost her footing when confronted with a step. Unfortunately, she managed to right herself; given the precarious nature of her neckline, we would have had a serious situation on our hands had she not regained her footing; such an event would have been highly entertaining and probably have caused Jay to go into cardiac arrest. Jay came to her rescue, battlefield-style, and helped Mariah to her seat; once settled, she pointed to a loose-ish strap on her skyscraper heel that had somehow rendered her incapable of walking. I didn't buy it, and as Jay pervily pointed out, who's looking at her shoes?