Russians and Kamistanis have trust issues, just like Jack Bauer. If your mother tells you she loves you, check with another source, because you can't be too careful with nuclear annihilation, world peace, and Jack's retirement on the line.

Fakery: There's this trick writers do where they have a character be the voice of the audience when something totally unbelievable or ridiculous happens in hopes that it helps the audience to buy into the foolishness that's taking place. Arlo did that for us by calling out Dana when she left yet again during the operation: "Sure, no biggie. Just unsecured nuclear materials."

Fugheddaboudit: "Hi, Vlad. My name is Mir. I'm German but I speak just like an American, no accent whatsoever because I'm pretty awesome at languages. Oh, and that whole thing where you just tried to kill me? Don't worry about it. It's cool. Let's still do business together once I take this gun off your man's forehead and hand it to you." This is actually how all business deals go down in New York, especially with Russians and Donald Trump.

Fugheddaboudit: Part of being an effective leader is knowing when to follow other people's advice, like if someone says, "Don't risk everything for a whore." Good advice! Or: "Don't risk everything for an undercover CTU agent you tried to rape and have slapped around and who couldn't possibly love you." Either one of those statements will get this response: "You ever talk about her like that again, I will kill you. You understand?" VLAD LOVES RENEE! It's understandable, because she has a fivehead like Tyra Banks, weeps uncontrollably, can use a knife, and is the most desperate woman in New York City.

Fugheddaboudit: Vlad is totally on to Jack, too. He sees the way Jack gives Renee the ol' one-two, up and down, so he squeezes her butt on the way out just to let Jack know who the man is.

Fugheddaboudit: Dana's ex-beau is straight out of an episode of "Cops." Watching him navigate the easy $120,000 she has set up is hilarious. Numbers confuse rednecks! What gate? What's the pin? I don't understand! Aaagggghhhh! "Hey, it's called a mistake, aiight, so back off."

Fugheddaboudit: Russians hate thinly sliced bread with their vodka. Nice and thick, lady! No, no, no! Here, let me show you.

Fakery: Russian fathers kill their sons instead of sending them to doctors because they can't stand to see them suffer.

Fakery: When you are shopping for nuclear rods, all you have to do is pick up the phone and drunk-dial late at night.

Fugheddaboudit: Hey, remember that whole peace treaty thing? Yeah, that's not going too well. President Hassan is totally paranoid and arresting everyone in sight. I guess the Kinks weren't big in Kamistan. Paranoia, the destroyer!

Fakery: Dana acts all surprised when the redneck botches the easiest heist in the history of heists. Um, everyone knew he was going to screw this up, save the raised (and plucked) eyebrows.

Fakery: The Kamistani accent and facial features are all over the place. Hassan's daughter sounds like she's from India, the dude who clearly is in love with the daughter looks Italian, and the guy who arrested him must be from Queens.

Fugheddaboudit: "Just because I like your face doesn't mean I have to put up with your crap!" Yeah, Renee! Vlad doesn't play, that's why you just got clocked in the face twice. And that's why Vlad gets a knife to the eyeball...

...and Jack Bauer gets stabbed in the stomach -- but not anywhere important because...

...he pulls the knife out and throws it into a dude's neck! Jack Bauer is indomitable, just like America.