Last night on "Family Guy," Meg fell in love with a convict, Stewie facilitated some love at his "sand retreat," and Peter "fell in love" with a breeding bull. Love was everywhere in the episode, but we don't care about any of that, do we? No, it's all about the non sequiturs, and last night we had some pretty good ones...and one really bad one. Let's explain and grade them:

1. Drunk Billy Channel 5 Newscopter Death and Montage: Quahog's Channel 5 news team has a drunk helicopter pilot that they use for their live shot coverage. After the helicopter crashes into an overpass and explodes, the channel throws to a montage of "Drunk Billy" the pilot's greatest hits. Though, the montage is really just a collection of people being killed by a helicopter. Grade: C+

2. TV Guide, now called "The Guide": Stewie makes a motion for everyone to refer to TV Guide as "The Guide." Now, I'm all for creative nicknames, but aren't we about 20 years too late on the TV Guide bandwagon, "Family Guy" writers? Does anyone still buy TV Guide? Grade: B-

3. "Billy the Kid" Rodeo Montage: Peter has a dream sequence about his rise to rodeo superstardom, set to Billy Joel's "The Ballad of Billy the Kid." It's the second Billy Joel reference this season (the other was a "Movin' Out" reference in "Business Guy"), so Joel's obviously got a fan on the writing staff. And, let's be honest:

"The Ballad of Billy the Kid" is a better song than "Movin' Out." Grade: B+

4. Griffin Children Rodeo: Peter tries to brand his daugher's "hindquarters," and ride his son like a bronco. It's only slightly worse to see it animated than it is to describe it with words, so let's just let this one go. Grade: C-

5. Peter and the "Breeding Bull": Peter gets "taken advantage of" by a stud bull. It looks like something from an old episode of "Oz." Really, this is a weird one. Grade: C

6. Stewie Griffin's "Sand Retreat": Most babies build sand castles, but Stewie builds a "sand retreat," and then makes up a story about two doll-sized "vacationers" to his creation. This is so weird and unexpected that it's pretty great. Well done, everyone. Grade: A

7. Not All Dogs Go to Heaven: Disney dog Goofy goes to Hell, because he supported September 11. Nope! Not funny! I love Goofy, so I'm biased, but yikes. Grade: F

8. Consuela's Son Is in Jail: Consuela -- the thinly-veiled parody of "Flipping Out's" Zoila -- has a son in prison. During her visit, Consuela cleans the glass between herself and her convict son, because apparently that's the only thing maids do. It's just not funny. Grade: D

9. Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey Get Burned: I'll let the show handle this one for me. After Meg's relationship with a convict comes to light, Brian remarks, "Wow, Meg's like one of those crazy chicks who hooks up with an even crazier guy." To paraphrase Michael Scott, "Boom. Roasted." Grade: A

10. Voting in Ohio: After Meg gets arrested for harboring her inmate boyfriend, she gets thrown into a jail cell with three black women who got "busted trying to vote in Ohio." That, of course, refers to the voting scandals that surrounded the 2004 Presidential Election. Never say that the "Family Guy" writers don't know their political history! But I guess you can say they're about six years too late with the topical humor. Grade: B-

11. Fly Can't Figure Out How to Get Outdoors: You know when you get a housefly trapped in your room and the poor guy keeps flying into the window while he tries to get back outdoors? And even when you open said window it still keeps running into the glass? That's when I reach for the swatter. Darwinism. Grade: A-

12. Stock Photos on a Corporate Website: The "Family Guy" crew dissects (accurately) the standard stock photos used on a corporate website. There's the woman in the lab, the latino construction worker outside, and my personal favorite, the college kids taking a class *gasp* outdoors! Really, they nailed it. Grade: A+

13. Meg the Convict: Meg returns from prison, and suddenly is a badass. Among her new habits: Defecating in a bucket in her room, beating up Peter, abusing her father in the shower, and beating up kids at school with a pillowcase full of soda cans. It's kind of gross, but it's also kind of "meh." Grade: C

14. NASCAR in China: Meg remarks that she'll soon be heading to China, because she heard they just got NASCAR over there. This cuts to a scene of the start of a race turning into a 20-car pileup. This is humorous because it reinforces the "Asian drivers" stereotype so prevalent on our middle schools' playgrounds. Grade: C-

15. Wesley Snipes in Prison: Wesley Snipes -- currently behind bars on a tax exasion charge -- is Convict 57 in prison. Meg points out that this is ironic, because he once starred in "Passenger 57" (above). She neglected to point out that this is also a weak joke. Luckily that's my job! Grade: C

16. "Always End on a Strong Joke": Peter remarks that you should "always end on a strong joke" before they running the end credits in the style of "The Simpsons." Now, if "The Simpsons" wasn't better than "Family Guy" in virtually every measurable way, this could be seen as a dig. But, instead it seems a like a puppy chewing on a pit bull's tail. Grade: C-