Here's a tip for your next blind date: Do NOT meet at an airport bar when you are not flying anywhere. Here's one more tip: Do NOT give her a full-body MRI and tell her she has a great oven. That's classic Bad Idea Jeans.

Blind dates are such easy targets for television and movies. In fact, there was even a show devoted to them. It was called "Blind Date." Clever, right?

Modern love is pretty tough, so here is some expert advice to help guide you through it.

"How I Met Your Mother": Every blind date has a "but." "He's so awesome, you just have to meet him (BUT...)" See, whenever your friends tell you about some great person you just have to meet, they always leave out the flaws. Know that, and brace for it.

"The Millionaire Matchmaker": Take every blind date ever, and don't worry about the "but." Repeat her mantra: "Blind date till you mate! Blind date till you mate! Blind date till you mate!"

But she's not done. She also advises showing up to your blind date a half-hour early and working the bar for other dates in case this one flops. Brilliant.

Bruce Willis: Never get Kim Basinger drunk (she's bonkers), and always pack heat so you can blast anyone who dares to moonwalk in your presence.

"90210's" Brenda and Kelly: Lots and lots of makeup, slutty dresses, and lies all come in handy on blind dates -- especially when you meet your blind date and it's teenaged Seth Green.

Howcast: Have a plan and a smart 'tude. Also let everyone you know where you will be and how long you will be gone just in case your blind date tries to murder you. That is important! (I love how in the video she even notifies her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend that she is going on a date. Good stuff.)

"Amazon Women on the Moon": This movie was way ahead of the modern dating game, foretelling a time when we would use computers to do background checks on our dates. Google anyone lately? Don't lie. When you meet your date, also ask for two forms of ID. It's just good policy.

"30 Rock": Never let your boss set you up.

Pre-"American Idol" Ryan Seacrest: Yep, Seacrest was on "Blind Date" when he was just a bespectacled radio host and not the annoyingly ubiquitous supreme ruler of yappy hosts. What can we learn from this video? Never wear pink feather boas or leopard-print hats, nor should you drink Love Potion 69. And Seacrest's date was nuttier than a boozed-up Kim Basinger:

Monica, 21

Loves: Outdoor sex

Turn on: Edible underwear

Oh, and she's an elementary school teacher: "I love working with kids, so it's cool. So, where's your favorite place to have sex?" I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP! It gets even better, I promise.