11:01:29 AM Will Edmondson: So, Tara, you're TOTES ready for this question, LOL!: Are you on "Team Edward," or "Team Jacob"!?!
11:01:59 AM Tara Ariano: To quote Lucille Bluth: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
11:02:49 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I know what team I'm on, Tara. I'm on "Team 2012," in which a massive, apocalyptic disaster strikes the (fictitious) town of Forks and leaves nothing but a magma-filled fissure down Main Street.
11:04:07 AM Tara Ariano: If that did happen, a lot of (fictitious) people would be better off.
11:06:02 AM Will Edmondson: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this movie wasn't directed at me and my demographic. But this was still one of the worst moviegoing experiences I've ever had. And yes, this is a blog, and the Internet and hyperbole. But I'm serious: watching "New Moon" was horrible.

11:06:36 AM Tara Ariano: I don't know why you're separating the experience of watching it from the movie itself. The crowd was perfectly well-behaved; the movie was a steaming load.
11:07:42 AM Will Edmondson: We've already established that we enjoy different things in a moviegoing experience. I would've had MUCH more fun if that crowd had been unruly.
11:08:12 AM Tara Ariano: I did my part with my guffaws (and sat away from where I would bother people with them).
11:10:52 AM Will Edmondson: The thing I hated so much about this movie was that it was so, completely wrong. People don't talk like that, people don't act like that. It's not the way teenagers -- even idiot ones -- interact, nor should it be.
11:12:30 AM Tara Ariano: Not to defend the movie -- BECAUSE I DON'T -- but I think once you put vampires AND werewolves into the mix, you're no longer aiming for a Ken Loach-esque level of filmic realism. What we saw sprayed all over that screen last night was a juvenile girl's wish-fulfillment fantasy.

11:13:48 AM Will Edmondson: That's wish-fulfillment? Really? Having a pale dude breathe on you and that causing you to convulse as if you were doing a "more adult" activity is wish-fulfillment?
11:14:34 AM Tara Ariano: When you're a teenaged girl, the idea of having actual sex with an actual boy is terrifying. You just want to have an intense crush on someone who doesn't want to do more than kiss -- without tongue.
11:15:34 AM Will Edmondson: Well, that was a borderline HR violation. So let's move on: This "Bella" character sucks.
11:16:30 AM Tara Ariano: That is true. She is not interesting enough to have ONE monster after her, never mind two. But that's part of the fantasy too: Bella is completely unremarkable, so it's easy for the average girl viewer to imagine herself in Bella's place.

11:17:46 AM Will Edmondson: Yeah, but that's not it. In high school, the weird pale girl who stared longingly out the window and listened to The Smiths and The Cure couldn't get a human boyfriend either. And it wasn't because she was "too good" for humans, it was because she was WEIRD AND GROSS. Why is that something to aspire to? Look, if she wants to have a boyfriend that badly in the Pacific Northwest, it's not that hard! Just join the cross-country team, buy a North Face fleece, "experiment" with recreational drugs, and listen to Citizen Cope. I know plenty of kids like that and they're all awesome.
11:20:31 AM Tara Ariano: She doesn't WANT a human boyfriend, she wants one whose specialness might rub off on her.
11:20:54 AM Will Edmondson: Because she's that unremarkable, annoying and morose? And again, this is the heroine?
11:21:07 AM Tara Ariano: I'm not justifying the phenomenon, I'm just explaining it to you.
11:23:33 AM Will Edmondson: But at least you understand it, and that is shocking to me. Because I can not understand for the life of me how fixing a motorcycle with a midget with a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet while listening -- literally -- to an Ani DiFranco-sounding slow jam is at all appealing. (Oh, and he thinks it's "a good song." Of course he does!)
11:24:04 AM Tara Ariano: Not everything in pop culture is aimed at you, Will. I'm sorry this is how you had to find out.
11:25:46 AM Will Edmondson: Oh, I'm well aware; I've accepted that I won't ever like "Glee." That's not what I'm getting at. If you're a girl, and you identify with Bella, that should be a red flag. That shouldn't be celebrated, because she has ZERO redeeming qualities! What is she good at? Having awful nightmares, longing to be breathed on by monsters, and making stink faces. That is not something to want!
11:26:22 AM Tara Ariano: It's something most girls grow out of eventually. MOST.
11:27:00 AM Will Edmondson: Which brings me to my next point: Middle-aged women should calm down about Taylor Lautner. It's gross, he's a child, and they need to calm down.
11:27:09 AM Tara Ariano: I absolutely agree.

11:27:52 AM Will Edmondson: If you're lusting after a 17-year-old kid, while sitting next to your 14-year-old daughter in a movie theater, you should really feel dirty. And not good dirty.
11:28:24 AM Tara Ariano: Yes. I get why teenagers like "Twilight"; that their moms are as into it (or more so) is a total mystery to me.
11:35:55 AM Will Edmondson: I'm just saying, it's a double standard. If I, say, outwardly lust after Miley Cyrus, or -- God forbid -- Dakota Fanning, that's basically a prosecutable offense. Speaking as a formerly 17-year-old boy, none of them wants to be lusted after by a middle-aged woman. I'm sorry, it's true. When you're 17, cougars aren't funny yet.
11:36:39 AM Tara Ariano: You will get no argument from me.

11:40:56 AM Will Edmondson: I mean, if there's anything to be said in defense of the movie, it's that it definitely knows its audience, and it appeals to that audience. The problem is: that audience is not something that I want to admit exists.
11:42:19 AM Tara Ariano: The worst thing about these movies for me is that seeing them with you means that I end up in the position of defending girls and women, and the girls and women who like this stuff unironically are really not in my camp. Also, as much as I hate the movies (which is a lot), I can't remotely hate them as much as you do.
11:44:53 AM Will Edmondson: I mean, the girl friends that I have that like it admit that it's dumb and stupid, but that they like the "romantic story" part of it. Which is great! I like making out with girls, too! But, like the vampire lust object can recite stanzas of Shakespearean prose from memory? OF COURSE HE CAN.
11:45:39 AM Tara Ariano: Well, yeah. He's been in high school for a century.
11:47:06 AM Will Edmondson: Oh! That explains everything! It's ridiculous. So he's got the brain of a 110-year-old man, the body of a chain-smoking emaciated 20-year-old, and the face of a corpse. COME AND GET IT, LADIES!
11:47:25 AM Tara Ariano: Amen.

11:47:48 AM Will Edmondson: Let's end this before I can't ever get another date. What's next week?
11:48:25 AM Tara Ariano: Well, assuming "New Moon" doesn't win again -- which I don't -- the biggest opening this week is..."Old Dogs."

11:50:01 AM Will Edmondson: You know what? I think that movie might be horrible, but compared to any of those "Twilight" movies, it'll be a tour de force. I'm excited.
11:50:43 AM Tara Ariano: Seth Green singing wuss rock to an ape will be a refreshing change of pace.