Warning: Spoilers!

10:03:42 AM Will Edmondson: Tara, I'm really excited to talk about "The Taking of Pelham 123," because it is without question the BEST "embarrassing movie" we've seen yet
10:03:51 AM Tara Ariano: Better than "Obsessed"?!
10:04:30 AM Will Edmondson: Well, on a different scale, because I argue that "Pelham" wasn't embarrassing. I thought it was a good, mediocre action movie. The only embarrassing part was the crew of "villains."
10:05:18 AM Tara Ariano: They were kind of a letdown as a movie crew. None of the spark of the bad guys in "Die Hard," for instance. I'm pretty sure only Luis Guzman's character even got a name.
10:06:38 AM Will Edmondson: Okay, hold on. 1. The goon who irrationally shoots a cop? He had a name, I just forgot it. 2. John Travolta. Neck tat. That is all.

10:07:02 AM Tara Ariano: Our friend Linda at Monkey See had a great article last week about that. Way to blend into a crowd, "Ryder"!
10:07:51 AM Will Edmondson: Well, I mean, the ridiculously painted-on facial hair probably also contributed to the overall effect of his manufactured menace even moreso. That's got to be the 2009 equivalent of the Snidely Whiplash curled mustache, right?
10:08:26 AM Tara Ariano: Yes. Yes it does. And after the big reveal that he's a disgraced Wall Street crook ("spoil"er), the idea that he would get a neck tat in prison struck you as even more ridiculous.
10:11:16 AM Will Edmondson: Yes, good lord. First off, if he's a Wall Street crook, he's doing time at a white-collar facility like the Enron guys.
10:11:36 AM Tara Ariano: You're telling me Jeff Skilling isn't rocking a full-on Mike Tyson face tattoo right now? COME ON.

10:11:36 AM Will Edmondson: You don't need to be "hard" in between tee times. But, if "Ryder" was in a white-collar, minimum-security prison, that means that Luis Guzman, who KILLED a guy, would also be in the minimum-security prison.
10:14:20 AM Tara Ariano: Eh, he just killed subway passengers. They don't count!
10:15:05 AM Will Edmondson: You're right. So I guess that's feasible. Thanks for FURTHER making my "good bad movie" claim for me!
10:15:35 AM Tara Ariano: Anyway: Travolta would never succeed in his plan because his opponent is Denzel Washington!

10:15:51 AM Will Edmondson: Yes, who is as badass as ever. I love Denzel.
10:15:57 AM Tara Ariano: He counters Travolta's neck tat and dumb facial hair with the comfortable paunch of justice!
10:16:17 AM Will Edmondson: Civilian justice, the best kind. I especially love the citizen's arrest at the end.
10:16:58 AM Tara Ariano: Arrest with extreme prejudice. Sure.
10:17:17 AM Will Edmondson: Right, okay, but let's go back to this financial mastermind.
10:17:21 AM Tara Ariano: Please.
10:18:09 AM Will Edmondson: So, in this alternate universe, where this Wall Street nutjob, with a neck tat, has hijacked a subway car under Grand Central Terminal, the Dow is at 11,600.
10:18:30 AM Tara Ariano: So this is taking place...a while ago.

10:18:33 AM Will Edmondson: And James Galdolfini is mayor. So, a little far-fetched. But because he understands "commodities," and therefore can cheat the market, he's somehow made a 15,000% return on his gold holdings in one day. 15,000%.
10:20:20 AM Tara Ariano: That's...high? (hee.)
10:20:39 AM Will Edmondson: Yeah, I'd say so. So that's ridiculous. But not as ridiculous as the lovey-dovey teenager subplot.
10:22:03 AM Tara Ariano: I have to say I was hung up on how Travolta got a wireless signal in a tunnel. You know, through...uh...methods. But the part where the kid on the train is challenged by his girlfriend to say he loves her when HE IS CURRENTLY IN MORTAL PERIL doesn't exactly bring honor upon ladies in film.
10:22:53 AM Will Edmondson: Hence my crippling fear of commitment and ultimately marriage. Because women be crazy, man.
10:23:45 AM Tara Ariano: Movie women be crazy for sure. Come to think of it, Denzel's wife was kind of annoying too. The man might get killed today! Get your own milk.
10:24:34 AM Will Edmondson: And a GALLON of milk! Greedy!

10:24:55 AM Tara Ariano: What does she think he is -- up $35,000 by taking a bribe we, the audience, totally don't care about?
10:25:40 AM Will Edmondson: Why, that's exactly what he is. Which is probably the first time in history that a felony has been portrayed that sympathetically.
10:27:16 AM Tara Ariano: That reveal was such a non-issue that I was sure that, at the end, we'd find out Denzel really DIDN'T take any bribe and just pretended to under duress so that Travolta wouldn't shoot the kid. But no, he really did it. And now Mayor Gandolfini's totally going to make his investigation go away. Hooray!
10:28:03 AM Will Edmondson: "New York goes to bat" for Denzel.
10:28:34 AM Tara Ariano: Doesn't Denzel kind of deserve it, a little? He probably even got the city's cash back. Maybe they can figure out a way to seize Travolta's 15,000% profit.
10:29:27 AM Will Edmondson: Well, the SEC is REALLY, REALLY good at spotting frauds and Ponzi schemes, so I'm sure that'll be a breeze.
10:29:42 AM Tara Ariano: What else happened that made you love this movie so much? Because I know no one fell through a ceiling and got crushed by a chandelier.
10:30:44 AM Will Edmondson: I thought it was just an easy, fun action movie I didn't have to think about. I thought Denzel was good, as always. And I thought John Travolta's ten or so thinly veiled gay references was a nice touch.
10:31:03 AM Tara Ariano: Except for the "thinly" part. Can we talk about Travolta's last line for a second?
10:33:03 AM Will Edmondson: Of course.
10:33:48 AM Tara Ariano: Travolta's cornered by the slowest cops in the world. He knows there's no escape. He's definitely going back to prison. So he tells Denzel to shoot him, which Denzel only does when it looks like Travolta's going to draw on him. And Travolta goes...
10:34:38 AM Will Edmondson: "You're my f*cking hero." Which, is probably inaccurate, considring his heroes are probably more like Bernie Madoff, Charles Ponzi, and the Nigerian Prince from the emails.
10:36:11 AM Tara Ariano: haha! Yes. I feel like, in a movie like this, for it to work, you have to admire the villain, and Travolta just seemed like a boob through the whole thing. He was no Hans Gruber.

10:37:50 AM Will Edmondson: I mean, I know some scarier, less-stable Wall Street types. The only thing that pushes Travolta into "villain" territory is, again, the neck tat.
10:38:22 AM Tara Ariano: Plus the fact that, in order to carry out his nefarious scheme, he actually deigned to take transit.
10:39:22 AM Will Edmondson: Well, no, that's not out of the ordinary. He wasn't THAT rich.
10:40:03 AM Tara Ariano: Apparently, you're right!
10:41:03 AM Will Edmondson: F Train, from Brooklyn...I'm willing to bet I know them.
10:41:52 AM Tara Ariano: Should we fear that they're planning a terrorist plot against my train?!
10:42:30 AM Will Edmondson: No, they have much, much more fun legal loopholes to jump through to get paid off ahead of the law.
10:43:08 AM Tara Ariano: And, I presume, NO NECK TATS.